Day Release

I'm so happy I was allowed out for the day, especially on mothers day. Me being in hospital was probably the second worst present I had given her, (I bought her a cup that said something like 'if you think I'm a bitch you should meet my mother') god knows why.

Me,  my mum and my step dad  went to Cafe du Soleil in Canterbury, it was beautiful. I was finally leaving the hospital after 6 weeks the only place I really knew anything about anymore. Luke and my step dad drove to the entrance and picked me up, at this point I was so scared of what people would say if they saw me.  I transferred into the car and we drove through Canterbury, which hasn't changed, I had watched my body change so much in the space of 6 weeks I honestly thought something drastic would of changed in Canterbury. 

We pulled up in the car park. I was still so scared, I transferred into the wheelchair and Luke wheeled me in, kissed me and whispered 'babe remember people stare at anyone, no one is staring at you' we went over to our table and I moved into a normal chair. a little girl stared at me, probably because just like I assumed if you're in a wheelchair chances are you won't walk. (shows how much people assume things,  even me).

I ordered the nicest starter and ate it so quick, and a  pizza for my main. The best thing is being able to kick my step dad under the table because he doesn't have a go at me anymore, perhaps because he is just glad I can move my leg.  As we drove away from the restaurant, I saw a man jumping off walls and back flipping onto different things (parkour) I think. I wanted to go and tell him exactly what its like unable to move an arm or leg, to prevent him not caring about breaking a bone, it angers me watching people abuse there bodies when they have full use almost as if they are not making the most of what they've got.

My main request was to have loads of photos to remember how good the day was. I want to be able to look back and see how strong I've been. its hard to put on a brave smile when you're unable to control your body, but I did.  

this looks like a fake smile but it's not. 

Side Room is Ready!

From the ward to my own room, mum thought it would be better for me to be in my own room, as other visitors were openly talking about how dangerous strokes were, this had started to scare me.  I was wheeled into the side room, it was silent but nice to be able to have all my cards up and make it look like my own room.

Baby Koala

‘Relax your fingers Liz’,  ’I can’t!’. ‘you are like a baby Koala clawing’.  This made me smile, Luke sat there and stroked my hand, and tried to straighten my fingers.  They would just claw, it was uncomfortable and uncontrollable.  I thought would always be like this?  Or would I recover. Then started the process of hand massage, everyday my step dad would come in and massage my hand with creams, this is so that the sensation comes back, but its also nice having physical contact, its also important not to neglect the affected limb.  My Nan arranged for me to have a manicure, this was also important as I wanted to feel that it was still part of me.  

I can move my leg!!

Week three, physio had just finished, my Dad sat on the chair beside my bed.  I kept thinking ‘you can do it, use your strength’, and I lifted it from the hip, it was amazing I looked at my Dad and smiled.  It now seemed like there was light at the end of the tunnel, I could start to walk, I couldn't wait to show the physio’s.

Nose over Toes

Something I never thought I’d have to re-learn was how to stand up.  My physio sat next to me on the plinth and another sat in front of me, ‘right Lizzie, you need to put your nose over your toes and tuck your bum in!’.  I pushed up from the plinth and was standing, ’I did it’!  But not for long, I had to sit down as I got light headed and felt faint.  They said I had been lying down for so long I wasn’t used to standing, my blood pressure was affected.  This I would learn would be a regular occurrence until I got used to physio.  The other thing about these early sessions was that they were so overwhelming I would cry, especially if someone was watching.  I now had goals, one of which was to try and sit out of the bed everyday.

Goodbyes

The hardest thing is saying goodbye to people.  Especially in the side room, as I felt all alone.  When I was at home I would see Luke nearly everyday, and I would get to choose when I left him.  In hospital it was so restricting, he would come after work whenever he could, but we would only spend two hours together, I missed us being how we wanted.  My Mum would come to see me everyday, and when she left I would cry, I wished she could stay with me.

my story

The reason I am writing a blog is because I had a stroke on the 10th of February 2014. I woke up unable to move my left side. I am 20 years old.  There may be typo’s and spelling errors, this is because I can only use my right arm/hand at the moment. I am finding it hard to think, I get tired easily and I can’t remember much of the beginning stages.  This I am told is normal.

I have since learned that the  type of stroke I had is a right middle cerebral artery infarct(an infarct is a blockage of a blood vessel).  I want to raise awareness of strokes in young people. I’ve since learned that there are possible reasons for my stroke, not lifestyle reasons but because I have an underlying condition that can cause blood clotting, this is called nephrotic syndrome, which I’ve had since I was a baby. 

The stroke has left me with many emotional and physical effects.  Whilst I have been in hospital, I have been unable to find any blogs that talk about the everyday, and this made me feel isolated.  I’m hoping to be able to diarise my rehabilitation, so that this may make people better understand the journey, hopefully you will find it helpful reading about my experience.

One of the first things my consultant told me was that recovering from a stroke is like training for a marathon… 

I Need Sugar

I remember turning  in my bed on the second day on the acute ward.  I was strapped to machines, I was upset and didn't really understand where I was, I knew I needed sugar.  I was thirsty, and saw that on the board above my bed it said Nil by mouth.  I am since told that I wasn't able to eat anything until they had done a ‘swallow test’.  It is common for people who have strokes to lose their ability to swallow.  Swallowing problems affect over a third of people after a stroke. When a person cannot swallow properly, food and drink may get into the windpipe possibly the lungs, which can lead to chest infections and worst pneumonia.  

Eventually they realised I could eat, and I had spaghetti and meatballs, Luke said I was eating as fast  as I could, my mouth was drooping on one side, this is also common when you have had a stroke, but don’t worry it can get better, my mum said it helped that people made me laugh.

I find myself eating a lot more than I used to, its normal apparently.  I have to think of the food as feeding my brain.  The doctor told me that people recovering from strokes need more food than athletes.  I am using more calories thinking and motivating myself.  Most days people bring me in food, I snack all the time on Jaffa Cakes.

Will I be normal again?

I have asked my mum the same question everyday since it happened.  I could tell she was sick of it.  All I dreamt about was to have my own arm working and me walking.  The things people take for granted, all I wanted was to feel complete.  I missed being able to to hug and put my hair up, to eat properly and grab things.

Valentines Day

So here I was in hospital, having promised Luke a present and a Nando’s!  I couldn't move, I could hardly stay awake, and I felt depressed.  He turned up late that evening holding a bunch of roses and a bag, my face lit up and I gave him a one armed hug and smiled.  He wheeled me down the hospital corridor in my wheelchair(my only freedom at moment), to pick up our pizza.  This was my best day at that point, I had only just had the stroke and it cheered me up.