Gaining confidence and independence

My summer has been about gaining my confidence and independence;
Moving out, going to the gym and trying to use my arm also  by letting go of my arm while walking..

Recovery from a stroke or as they class it 'life after stroke' in those colourful leaflets the stroke association give your family when you're leaving hospital,
Scaring the  friends  if you're lucky enough to still have some, stating that the person may not recover enough to seem like the person they were before..
And the nurses suggest us as stroke patients should read about a devastating brain disorder we've encountered while we're fragile.

Anyway;
I started my second year of uni on Monday,
I had the whole
"Urgh I'm not ready I can't be bothered, it's so long.."
Forgetting how much I've actually recovered compared to year one.

This year counts and that scared me mainly because it was my goal to complete uni.
And when you set goals after a stroke you HAVE to acheive them..

I've lasted 10-4 everyday (even on my day off)
Yesterday we had to talk about our posters we've created, infront of everyone!
"I can't do it, what if they hate it."
I did it,
And managed to talk infront of everyone..
I still need help, I miss out scentences and get muddled up in understanding the brief they give us
This was something my tutor said I needed to improve last year as I used to get to scared to do it.

At school we had a 'counsellor' for our form, you'd get some crap dark red badge which I still have if anyone doesn't believe me.
Believe it or not I was actually one. Probably for about a day. Before the bunking started.

I've applied for student rep; sounds so stupid and something people will probably laugh at, but as I'm still building my cv for when I can work it might help, along with my volunteering..

It's my day off finally! I've been excited to feel like Liam and get that "I need a drink" feeling..

My slow recovering brain.

ive come to terms with the whole 'your recovery will slow down' .. People kept telling me and at first with my leg 'coming back' I thought my recovery was so fast,

No one (accept others recovering) have watched their body do amazing things and recover everyday..
The smallest improvements is enough to put a smile on your face, for the person and others..

After seeing my physiotherapist I have been strengthening my arm and shoulder,
'Work down the arm..'

I use a 0.5kg weight on my arm; lift it forwards till I can feel the stretch, push it out to the side, bend my elbow and straighten it.. All of these I repeat 3 times a day with 10 reps..

I stretch my hand, I open it on a table or against a wall and lean on it..

Last night I decided to try to use my hand, I lifted/ picked up some foam type blocks and dropped them in a box,
I managed quite a lot, mainly because Liam kept repeating 'next one, go on do another one'..

I'll recieve messages from family members saying 'keep up the good work, it's about training the brain'
Hence the name of my blog ( to those who thought I was running a marathon)

I woke up without a headache because I've released the tension I had on my shoulder

I'm slowly coming out of holding my arm and walking, it's so hard!
But this is my slow recovery, it finally seems like it's going to get better..

Not 100% but a good range

Yesterday I had physiotherapy for the first time in two years, it was mainly about my arm as I need the strength back to even start learning how to use the hand..

"okay so what can you do?"

I lift it, straighten it and lift it out to the side..

"Okay that's a lot of range and movement, could you lay on the bed.."

" relax"
She stretches my arm down back and above my head..
"Ouch ouch ouch"
*oh my god it's so sore and tight..*

You know when you have to push against the resistance of someone pushing you towards yourself..
I failed every time, but that's normal as I am still weak..

" you can feel where you haven't stretched it in a while, it's not 100% but that's normal"
*oh dear Lizzie, you need to try harder.. But how can you when you had no guidence*

"Right I'm going to get you some exercises..
Your shoulder isn't sublaxed so you get start doing weights at the gym, only small though.."
*YAAY! I email my personal trainer..*
Today I'm going to the gym to do this..

I get home and Liam stretches my arm like the exercises say..

" fuck sake I can't open my fingers to push against the wall!!"
"Lizzie, calm down and keep trying you give up to fast.."
* it's so hard, but try try try*

I managed to do all the exercises and I can move it a lot easier, it relaxes by my side after doing them too..
I used to get severe headaches after trying to move it, this made me give up.. Now they've stopped!

She told me to stop holding my arm
( I'm the girl who clings onto her left arm with my right arm, hiding the fact it rests in an awkward position)
I get embarrassed because it looks odd..
But I managed not to hold it the whole way to the gym and home..
Massive achievement ( breaking bad habits)
"You need to remember to let it relax by your side.."

I loved physio as much as I used to hate it, she really helped with giving me so much advice that's do able ( if that's a word..)