Still training..

I guess you could say recovery is ‘training’

I mean I can’t go to the gym because I do still suffer from seizures;
Myoclonic - arm jerks
 ( the most annoying )
Absent - I just walk around in a daze and don’t seem to know what’s going on
 (so can’t really comment)
Tonic clonic -
 (my last one was on the 1st of January, so these are slowing down..)

from those who’ve followed my blog from day one know that the I was told recovering from a stroke is like ‘training for a marathon’ I’ve recently started calling my blog my beautiful brain due to accepting how my recovery has made me feel; confident, independent and much more accepting of who I am and how far I’ve come.

When the weather is bad I have to accept I can’t leave my flat because I’d fall, when I’m tired I need to accept I need rest incase I have a seizure..

 I’m still in training mode, the best is yet to come..

“So Elizabeth what will you do when you leave university”
“I’m going to continue my recovery, because university was only phase one”
people don’t realise that recovery is a life long process..



also how cool is my cover photo, I made it ;) ..

My beautiful brain..

It’s a wonderful life..

when you ‘suffer’ a stroke
I hate that word but there is genuinely no other way to describe it;
Surviving isn’t any better, it just happens to some us, young and old.

My brain is adapting to new things everyday;
Stairs, walking, thinking, talking, sleeping and remembering..

Things that you do everyday and I assume take for granted..

Walking down stairs is the hardest part for me, it’s really tiring and I find myself sighing when I reach the bottom step, Liam giggles and everyone around me smiles, probably glad that they can now rush to the bottom as ‘the slow one, has reached the bottom’

Fatigue doesn’t affect me as much, since I started university as my brain has adapted to difficult tasks and how to ‘take on a days work’

My beautiful brain..

“Sorry, oh god sorry..”

I mean I know I’ve only been on the Eurostar for about an hour, but it’s enough time to analyse how my balance is..
Especially because I’ve visited the toilet twice

The really narrow walk way, that is literally impossible to walk through, I mean there’s me, gripping on to each head rest; pulling peoples hair, gripping the fabric and holding on for my life, trying not to fall onto these innocent people who are trying to sleep..

I lasted two toilet trips!
My balance is getting better, always improving but seriously the Eurostar has tested my brain..

My beautiful brain.

And balancing on the toilet
That’s whole different story..

My beautiful recovery..

I realised I never actually blog about my recovery..
I just kind of blog and write titles that are based on the things I blabber on about..

I used to assume that I’d never be able to do anything I could do before my stroke
Like people say ‘post stroke’ it actually really ‘p*sses’ me off when people say that..
Just say before..

The future is here, my life is now. That was then
This is now. I am me.
Strong
Determined and beautiful
Inside and out.

My recovery is going SO well..
I may live with a physical disability but I enjoy every moment of my life, sometimes the resting bitch face comes out but that’s okay..

I’ve;
Been on holidays, walked further than I imagined and accomplished more than I would before my stroke.
It’s because now it’s enjoyable, people encourage me..

My beautiful recovery.

four years..

I looked to the left, to see machines; my mum, step dad and at the time someone I thought I was dependent on, crying and unsure of how I’d recover..
“She’s had a stroke”
I was only 20.. surrounded by old people laying in a bed with nurses looking over me, nurses I now pass as I walk the corridor of the hospital I now attend my appointments, on my own. Watching their faces drop and some stopping me to get the whole
“YOUVE DONE SO WELL, OH MY GOD!”

I then walk back to the bus stop to get the bus home to my flat where I live with my fiancé. Where I lay my MacBook on the coffee table. I then sit on our sofa and sigh from a busy day walking..
around the hospital and other days university which includes; Studying, thinking and learning.

My beautiful brain
And the beautiful recovery.

Why is it so loud?

Please just turn it down
Please stop walking so close to me.

Wait, I know nobody can help doing any of what I just asked, I mean how can a bus driver turn down his horn?
How can a lady understand the heel on her shoe is too loud for my ears now that I have a serious brain injury.

Now that my fatigue kicks in more than ever when there’s to much going on at once, processing to many sounds hurts. It doesn’t give me a headache it just really hurts. Aches and drives me insane!!

You just want to scream and then you realise. * Lizzie, calm down no one understands that you’ve had a serious brain injury.. in fact that you have one..*

You’re just going to have to accept; the screeching bus pulling away, the cars racing past, the baby screaming for its mum, the hustle and bustle of the crowds..

*do you need this top? More than the stress?*

My beautiful brain..

It’s cold

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but it’s actually freezing..
My leg goes stiff
My wrist bends to the extent of it curling round and my fingers curl inwards

But it’s all good because I start to wear my wrist splint when I’m out and about.
WALKING!
*over excited brain..*

I’ve learnt to hold my head high and walk as if I don’t care what people think, I do still care but obviously I need to be confident otherwise people know I’m vulnerable and will take advantage..

It’s been four years after all.

The cold weather makes my joints go stiff and tight, the tone hurts and people notice I’m in a lot of pain.. something I can’t stop..

My beautiful brain.

My stroke of understanding my brain

yes  I know it took four years
And trust me it will take longer, it still grows and I’ll always get stronger. Every; minute, second, hour.. you get the just
 *rolling eye emoji*

My brain injury makes me who I am today.

I carry my seizure diary around with me everyday. It’s basically my best friend. Besides my university friends, who have helped me gain confidence..

I’ve learnt how to understand my brain, I do still have small myoclonic seizures but just not as much, tiredness, stress and other things..

My brain still gets tired. Just not as much, take it easy..

I have the famous
‘Keep calm and carry on’ poster above my makeup table to relax me every morning.

Learn to understand your brain..

My beautiful brain

‘If the shoe fits’

Well nope it didn’t..

But I’ve got ugg boots since my stroke, so all is well in the shoe department
and buying a pair of shoes on my own is probably the worse idea because my mum has always said I never pick the right size and they never actually fit me..

I sat in this really uncomfortable plastic chair in newlook. Rolled up my leggings, easily sliding my right foot into these black chelsea boots, the left foot (because of my splint) wasn’t going in..
I knew it wasn’t. Therefore I didn’t force it,  i just giggled and looked around at these girls hobbling in heels walking around to the mirror, hand on hip checking themselves out.
Boyfriends sitting on the empty stools wishing they were somewhere else.
Then me, happy to be who I am, proud that I’m no longer buying uncomfortable shoes wasting my money. and stronger than I was before.


My beautiful brain..

Me and my brain injury..

It’s something no one can see
But it affects me more than my physical disability, and that’s the worst part about my whole ‘scenario’
People just stare at me with a blank look when I’m confused or say I’m really tired when I’m sitting down and they aren’t tired but have been doing the same thing..

“Why are you always tired?!”
*its my brain injury..*

I wouldn’t change it
Because it defines who I am and whats happened

My memory is still slow because I can’t remember certain memories.
Which I guess you could say is a good thing..

I feel as though my brain injury takes over my body sometimes, and also feel as though people need their brain injury to be shown.

Those without brain injuries need knowledge of how it affects us who have one.

My beautiful brain.
And my brain injury