subluxed shoulder..

“A partial or incomplete dislocation that usually stems from changes in the mechanical integrity of the joint.“

My shoulder is slightly out of the joint due to my myoclonic seizures and obviously how it’s been pulled from where I have held it (usually common when someone has a stroke) they will hold their arm across their stomach/chest. I’ve pulled mine so tight it’s out the socket!

I had an X-ray as I wanted to check why it was aching and so on..

My beautiful brain

And a strange stupid sling that is harder to put on than a bra.. 

Brain waves..

I wanted to update those who may of read my last epilepsy post (a while back) and been a bit shocked
I spoke to my doctor who said my memory might be due to the seizures as it is electrical activity in the brain.

Myoclonic; I suffer arm jerks pretty much daily which does get me down,
The seizures are due to being tired and stressed but my tonic clonic seizures are rare
Last one - January!

My beautiful electric brain!
Crazy stuff ;)

Always believe in yourself

I thought I'd do a blog post on progression reflection and well recovery!

mainly because I think its necessary..

These are some throw backs for the readers who may not of followed my journey or may want to see my progress..

University was my goal and walking obviously.

Living with a physical disability at a young age is really tough. But something I accept and deal with everyday.

Stroke Ambassador

student ambassador

course representative

university ambassador/representative

Volunteer..

University Student!

And Elizabeth Ashmore :)

If I could give myself one bit of advice *back then of course* 

it would be - 

Focus on yourself, set goals, take everyday as it comes & it won't always be this hard.

my advice to those who may of suffered a stroke recently are - 

stay strong but listen to your body, set goals, and document your journey! 

reflecting on your progress is the best thing!! 

Always believe in yourself. 

 

2014 - Kingston ward (The Daily Mail)

 2014 First Day Home *bed hair*) 

 

2014 first time looking in a mirror and learning to do my make-up!) 

 2014 (finally coming home! *massive bag of medication*)

2018 (at the top of the Eifel tower!) 

me and Liam (my fiancé by the way guys ;) 

2018 

Mum moans cause I change my hair colour too much.. 

2018 (me now) 

My Beautiful Brain..

Memory loss..

Either no one explained it OR I forgot because..
I’ve noticed it’s short terms memory loss!

The other day my mum dropped me home and mentioned something but I’d forgotten what we’d done.
Ive recently been trying to think really closely and to a point of testing my brain to try to learn what type of memory loss I actually have because
I can’t remember!
And that genuinely was not a joke..

My beautiful brain
Learning recovering and forgetting

Emotional stability

My blog is based around my recovery from my stroke and I guess my brain injury
And the emotional stability is a huge part of this
“Liz you cry over the television”
I still get emotional over small things and will do as it’s something that probably takes a while to retrain..

My blogs might be a bit ‘down’ due to university coming to an end but I can assure you I’m really happy and in a really good place so don’t worry

My beautiful brain
:)

A life without university..

”so what will you do without university?”
This question really scares me and makes me have flash backs of a day when my life was only a sofa and a walking stick..

I have volunteering but that’s not an everyday thing..

I have a disability which is an everyday thing. Something that the government has assessed me with and actually said I’m not able to work with (I think)
Mum still deals with all that stuff..

My life will be really empty and probably quite boring

Mum responds “Liz you’ll have a degree”

When people ask me I respond

“I’m going to focus on my recovery because university has been the first stage..”

My beautiful brain
 trying to figure out the next step..

Any suggestions?! *comments wanted!*

I knew it wouldn’t always be easy..

I do get bad days and I do have really good days
I mean I write my blog to demonstrate and explain how it feels to go through a traumatic experience and also to raise awareness.

Some people are shallow and some are just never going to grasp the concept of ill health because they won’t experience it..

“But do you not care it’s literally so bad!”
*my chemo is only tablet form shut up.*

This was my hairdresser and someone who should be understanding..

My hair is fine guys..

“Oh my god what if they tell you you can’t get your hair done again”
I giggled and just replied
”there’s people dying are you serious”

My beautiful brain
And a shower that was clogged with hair..

Watching myself

I never realised how my brain looked when it struggled and when the thoughts we’re processing..
Then I started editing my major project, I decided to get my mum to ask me questions
“And do you think other people were feeling how you felt”
I can’t remember exactly what she asked because all I can picture is my face..
I didn’t understand the question, and my face shows that, I look so confused..
It hurt watching myself trying to think really hard about a question but scared to ask my mum to repeat it because I wanted to be strong and confident.

My beautiful brain

That is still recovering..

A big step.

It’s sometgng that’s needed to happen for years and I needed to replace;
My AFO
My ankle was cut due to the splint cutting my ankle
 (an AFO holds your ankle up if you still suffer from drop foot)

I finally threw my old one away! I actually feel a party should of been thrown..
*hint hint*

My new splint is so nice! It’s Clean and holds my ankle up better meaning my walking is apparently ‘better’

My beautiful brain
And one small step for a stroke survivor..

Something new

sunday was an odd day
A day to reflect on; my first day release..

A day to walk in flip flops.

And actually walk into a swimming pool, something I haven’t done since before my stroke, weird, literally the weirdest feeling

My left leg swung out to the side uncontrollably.. I felt as if it was going to fly out of the socket,
I just bounced on my right leg,
“Mum what do I actually do now..”
A woman smiled..
Proud of my achievements but probably understanding the pain of ‘so what now’
Your brain knows what to do but your body and limbs just won’t do it..

No one will understand the last statement..

Accept
My beautiful brain.

Stroke affects the family more than the patient

I’ve spent the past two days wandering around Canterbury hospital interviewing; nurses, physiotherapists, occupational therapists and rehab assistants.
For my major project at university - at first (about me and my stroke)
Then I came home and it became to much, the realisation of
‘Lizzie maybe this is why people don’t talk to you about it’
So I started asking them
 “why did you choose this job and how do you think stroke affects the family as well as the person?”

When you lay in your bed, unaware of the world, in shock and angry as to why this has happened, you don’t stop to think ‘these people started for a reason and it’s affecting them to’

“We actually find the stroke affects the family than the patient because they have to come to terms with everything”

I froze.

Loads of flashes of; home visits, adaptations and the realisation of ‘shit this is real’


I left my old stroke ward and had this smell on my coat.. I can’t get the smell off my coat
as I left I stood by the stairs and had to take it all in.
and I keep feeling that the people coming to see me probably took a deep breath before entering and thought;
 “how will she be today..” as much as they loved me and cared.. some probably just wanted to turn away and go home.


“And how old is your youngest patient” -

“As far as I know, you are”


Me and my beautiful brain

“You don’t remember me do you”

Today was a strange day but something that will stay with me for the rest of my life just like why I quote the name of this post..

As I sat on the bus I turn the a lady who I knew the face of I knew it was her.
She stared at me..
“You don’t remember me do you”
I confidently said..
“The young girl on Kingston ward?”
I smiled.. prepared to finish her sentence..
*Lizzie don’t, just let her speak*
“Yeah in the side room”
She looked at me confused as to why I’d even started the conversation..

“Thankyou for showing me the photo album of you and your twin learning to walk, when I had my down days I thought of that”

I pictured her turning the pages and me crying uncontrollably at a nurse who’d been through an operation on her legs much worse than my stroke..

My beautiful brain
And the picture memory of Kingston ward that now doesn’t deal with acute stroke patients.

You learn so much

I’ve learnt so much along the way
This really long and interesting recovery
Something school should teach you;

“Friends don’t last a life time, dissertations are really fucking hard, don’t pick your spots, wrap up warm and keep your friends close but your enemies closer *
And enjoy life guys!..

I’ve; lost, met, lost again, gained and ignored people who I just knew I didn’t need to be in my life..
It took a while and I’m sure it could happen again
 ‘that’s life’
I realised my brain wasn’t recovering properly at the first stages and those who have followed this blog will have seen that.

I’ve noticed how vulnerable a brain injury can make your brain and how it can cause your brain to ‘let people in’ unhealthy people..

Dangers to society.
Poison in my eyes

In, my beautiful brain
Whilst training for a marathon :)

“I am disabled”

As usual I sat at the front of the bus that I regularly get home..

After a long day at university because I’d walked there this morning and I still get fatigued and struggle walking home when I’m tired.. because I am disabled.

A man approaches me on the bus..
“And are you disabled?”
*here we go..*
I take a deep breath keeping calm because I know I’m entitled to this seat and he is elderly and also stress causes my  seizures, I haven’t had any today (as of yet..) this idiot shall not be the cause.

“I am disabled”

He looks confused..
*hes old just, Lizzie leave it..*

The lady behind gets him to sit next to her..

Why do we live in such a judgemental world?
If I was old would this happen?

He then complains to the bus driver and I have to explain; my disability, show my arm, explain my ‘stroke’

Why should I need to explain myself?

My beautiful brain..
that stayed calm and on the bus.

Me & my brain injury..

I’m still living with a brain injury and will be for the rest of my life

People don’t understand that I get confused and hurt by the littlest things

So don’t try to be sarcastic with me.

“Lizzie why are you so bothered?”
*do I have to explain?*

“I have a brain injury I’m so sorry..”

These are strangers they don’t get it, why don’t they get me?

People stare at me when I walk round corners in a box like way..
‘Narrow minded’ my mum calls it.

*brain injury mode*

The seizures make it worse

Epilepsy nurse: “so your MRI results came back and they found something”
My heart races.. “what?! My doctor said they didn’t!!”
“Yeah.. a brain”
*takes a while,*
“Don’t fucking joke with me, I have a brain injury”
My epilepsy nurse stares blankly..
“You do know I have a report with me and I don’t understand certain things..”
“Oh you have a report..”

They don’t get it.

Do you see..

Even the nurses don’t know.

My beautiful brain