New goals

I've always been one to worry and overthink. Which I think was the reason for my seizures
Stress anxiety & panic. I’ve been calm recently which has made my seizures almost stop..

I’ve set new goals for my future:
Gym to gain strength
Be positive
Sort out my medication
Volunteer more to help my cv & fatigue

Before university it was:
Walk
University
Get my hand back

But now it’s realistic what is ‘doable’ and what is better for my recovery

My beautiful brain
Setting new goals

The big day..

Three years leads up to the whole hat throwing, big smiles & the ceremony,
This day was something I never expected, As me mum Liam and my step dad arrived at the royal festival hall (the people who had been there for me)

Surrounded by students, so many people who’d completed three years of; stress, money, debt, anger & tears.
Mine?
A goal..

Me & Annabell qued for the photos
“I can’t use my other hand so how do I hold the scroll?”
The photographer helped me pose..

I knew I had to walk down the long red carpet to collect my certificate so I avoided the alcohol pre ceremony.

As I was seated at the end of the aisle to make it easier for me, We were escorted one row at a time, our names called..

“ ‘BA Honours Graphic Design’ - Elizabeth George Ashmore-Fish”
I was first to walk, I looked down to make sure I didn’t trip, head held high with a smile when I shook the chancellors hand
“thankyou”
I wanted to turn and do a speech about how nothing is impossible..

My heart racing, as I waited for the ceremony to end I wanted to cry..
the speeches of
 “you’ve all achieved so much” my heart sunk & I had flash backs of -

Sitting in my hospital bed feeling depressed and hopeless, my neuropsychologist telling me I wouldn’t return, my old friends ditching me because I wasn’t the same & the interviews I attended at Canterbury college when I thought I wouldn’t return to university.

I held in the tears and smiled, the stress is gone and I’m still here, my walking was actually better than some of the students who wore stupid shoes & tried showing off.

Life is full of challenges & recovery is for life but nothing is impossible.

My beautiful brain
Walking the red carpet,

 at graduation.

Pre graduation..

I’ve been nervous for some time, questioning my tutor
“But do I have to walk upstairs and down in front of people?!”

I think only my mum and Liam understands the anxiety behind stairs; slow, clonus knee and well..
My disability!

Tonight I used fake tan for the first time in ages , painted my nails/had shellac done
‘I am a woman!’ and like Liam says- “it’s once in a lifetime event, be proud”

Continuously trying my dress on -
‘ted baker’ can I point out.

My beautiful brain
Nervous to collect the fake certificate on stage.

No more chemo!

According to Doctors and haematologists the cause of my stroke was;
Essential thrombocythemia..

But the good news is no more chemo! - hydroxycarbamide
(For other reasons aswell)

But my blood count is perfect! And I couldn’t be happier, due to the fact the condition causes blood clots..

“We don’t want you to have another stroke”

My beautiful brain
Battling a serious illness

I still have a brain injury..

personally I class a brain injury as a disability, however those who don’t know me;
Can’t tell, don’t understand and those who know me;
Forget..
“But you seem fine”

A brain injury is a serious ‘disability’ especially when; I’m on my own and I forget stuff, or have a seizure..
However the brain fog is improving..

You try to hide it, you try SO hard..

I wouldn’t say you pretend to be ‘okay’ but deep down you show the best version of you.

However sometimes it’s not the best idea. Others need to; understand you still struggle, and actually the brain injury is the worst disability after a stroke/ when you live with epilepsy.

My beautiful brain
Dealing with a brain injury

Now they’ve seen it..

last night was the private viewing of everyone’s final pieces at university..
I was SO nervous that my left leg wasn’t participating through the night (shaking and swinging)

But it’s cool I’m chilled..
Because everyone/ the majority of the campus had seen my work, my video or film
*whatever it is*
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3mL758qh0dE

So the disability was ‘fine’ I was proud, proud of my achievements & how far I’ve come..

“If you’d told me you wanted to achieve a 2.1 two years ago I’d of said it’s impossible” - says my tutor.

BLIMEY, my goal is achieved and I’m stronger than before.

The girl who sat in the hospital bed questioning life and the strength she has.

My beautiful brain
Confident, string & recovering.
Ps: the leg is participating now!


https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3mL758qh0dE

2:1!

When I first suffered my stroke I never even imagined I’d see the outside of my university let alone return..

I remember when I came home from hospital and the neuropsychologist asked what ‘my goals are’

Walk
University

I can’t really remember the rest because I suppose those two are the most important.

“Well university won’t be happening anytime soon if at all, your cognitive skills aren’t strong enough”

I remember crying and just wanting this stranger to leave..
(I started university one year after my stroke)


Three long years of university..

We received our final grades!
“I GOT A 2:1!”
people smile and congratulate me, I still don’t understand why.



My beautiful brain
That completed university
63%.

Being young with a disability.

As you all know I became ‘disabled’ at the age of 20..

‘disabled’ -
You are officially classed as something that you don’t get taught at school..

I mean it’s the judgemental; stares, comments and probably curious people that aren’t aware of your ‘condition’

*Stop staring at me, I’m capable of living a healthy and easy life*

It’s mainly elderly people that stare..
They are probably curious.
But it’s really uncomfortable - “I think even if I didn’t need my splint I’d still wear it, so people knew I had a disability”
My limitations show on the bad days..
After all, I am recovering still..


My beautiful brain
Living a positive life even though I am ‘disabled’

Epilepsy..

Something the ‘doctors’ dont tell you is that being diagnosed with epilepsy is really common after a stroke.
I suffered my first seizure probably a year after..

tonic clonic - (grand mal)
Meaning my whole body jerks and stiffens, usually I’m unconscious which I’m grateful for due to the aftermath of how a seizure can affect you..

So far I’d say I’ve had about 5 of these
 (lack of sleep, stress and mum would say: “Liz your sugar level is low!!”)

Myoclonic seizure - ‘left arm jerk’
Liam calls it “a goo goo” my arm flicks outwards and my eyes roll, these are distressing as I’m awake & can be walking sitting or sleeping.

When you see someone suffering a seizure
Lay them on their left side ‘recovery position’
No matter how hard it is or upsetting it may seem as there could be; blood & a lot of flem,
Keep them safe & comfortable..

My beautiful brain
Educating those about my epilepsy & possibly epilepsy in general.

:)

Standing your ground.

When I suffered my stroke I lost and gained..
The worst was family, no longer close enough to make contact or effort.

I learnt from loosing friends who I thought ‘would last a lifetime’ I’m slowly learning to give up on the vulnerability and be strong enough to say enough is enough.

My beautiful brain
Not wasting its energy.
Good riddance & hello to positivity.