tough times, long days

Being home is fun, despite the arguments me and my mum have (simply because I need so much help doing stuff) i'm  like an adulbut only capable of what baby can do.

I have physio everyday, which is really good but again only happens because of my age, (which is why I feel young strokes need to be noticed more).
I miss getting up and just being able to walk into town and do things I know my friends are doing (planning nights out). instead all I can do is sit and wait till my mum comes home,

I enjoy my evenings as I get to sit with people (my mum, step dad and sometimes Luke) just being around something other than a physio is fun (not having a constant reminder of how disabled I really am)

I thought i'd enjoy all the free time, but its nothing like before, I have a table in the kitchen because I can't carry things through while walking with a stick.
I get really fatigued and nap whenever I can.

Mornings are the worst, sometimes I have to wake up at 7, when my mum wakes up (otherwise i'll never get up) Its stressful more than anything, getting dressed and having no freedom, stressing over finding something thats easy to put on with one hand

I've managed to walk a lot since i've been home. walking past children is the worst, they just stare, my hand is in an upright position bent at the elbow because I can't straighten it.

press and television

As you've seen i'm in newspapers and i've been on television, If I hadn't of had such an awful thing happen to me, they wouldn't be interested.

I miss standing up in the shower, I get stuck to the stool I have to sit on because I like staying in the shower as long as I can;

I miss being able to hold a conversation and not feel tired

I miss using both hands and just being able to curl my hair

I miss walking without a stick.

Welcome Home 

On saturday I had the best welcome home party, all my best friends came, we laughed we drank and listened to music. If I had it my way i'd do it every weekend.



Wanting to give up

I know I wont, because no one will let me, but there are days when you just feel you can't do it anymore, when you watch people walking past the front room window and hate them because they have everything you want. When you try and dream about everything you had before and how you'd never of taken it for granted.

Back where I belong

I'm finally out of the place I hated and dreaded for 3months, its amazing to be home for good, i'm hoping I never have to go to hospital again.
My room has been moved to the first floor so I can access it, My mum and step dad have decorated it for me, something good always comes out of something bad. I love it, I designed how I wanted it to look while  in hospital.
I can start to feel  independent in my own home, I'm excited to see what the future has for me. Hopefully a miracle will happen and my arm/hand will work.

I've had amazing support and become so much closer to people and my family. So heres a massive thank you for all your lovely comments and support.

It's hard being pushed in a wheelchair, especially when passing little children, as I witnessed today in Ikea they stare a lot, some point. Something i'll have to get over.

Goodbye hospital
Leaving the Ot's and nurses was really hard, they're not going to be around to check up on me, I also took a visit to the stroke ward, a place I spent a month when I couldn't be recognised or understood. I'm lucky to of come this far. And my mum  Luke and step dad never thought I would achieve the things I have. So i'm proud to say i've done it and couldn't of without people being so kind and helping me stay motivated.



Next week is going to be a busy week as i'm meeting my uni tutor to talk about if i'm returning to uni, I'm also having my first physio at home and setting new goals to pass. A whole new step in my 'new' life.

the last visit

So I was used to being home everyday until now, 3months in hospital and only 'visiting' my home a place i've always felt my most comfortable and safe, until my stroke. Now it's a battle between me and my mum of learning how to live together again, maybe she cares too much? Since being in hospital i've realised how a mothers love for their child is unconditional and only grows stronger. We've gone from arguing about silly things like; being to drunk to leave the house, not looking after myself. To; making sure I'm capable of doing the simplest things; making a cup of tea alone, getting dressed alone, showering and cooking meals for myself. I'm sure we will get used to living with each other again, hopefully things get easier. I now have to plan what to take downstairs in the mornings because i'm not allowed to go upstairs alone, incase I fall.
This is a trial run of if I can be alone for a day while my mum is at work; the last step.
I used to love being home alone; listen to music, eat whatever I wanted, stay in bed all day, now i'm so scared, i'm scared incase; I fall, I can't open a jar, I have a panic attack, incase I feel lonely, incase someone knocks and I'm so slow that I don't get to the door in time. things that deep down I know i'll be fine with in the end.

Nothing feels better than visiting my house for the final time, the next time I will be here for good, no hospital trips (accept for appointments).
 It's time to start living my life, my 'new life. I have to learn to be independent at an age where the majority of my friends are living away from home some have babies and then theres me, learning to walk, and live with one arm\hand. Only able to get around in a wheelchair. After something I never thought could happen to someone at my age. It may be my last visit home but, this is the start of something new.