So I was used to being home everyday until now, 3months in hospital and only 'visiting' my home a place i've always felt my most comfortable and safe, until my stroke. Now it's a battle between me and my mum of learning how to live together again, maybe she cares too much? Since being in hospital i've realised how a mothers love for their child is unconditional and only grows stronger. We've gone from arguing about silly things like; being to drunk to leave the house, not looking after myself. To; making sure I'm capable of doing the simplest things; making a cup of tea alone, getting dressed alone, showering and cooking meals for myself. I'm sure we will get used to living with each other again, hopefully things get easier. I now have to plan what to take downstairs in the mornings because i'm not allowed to go upstairs alone, incase I fall.
This is a trial run of if I can be alone for a day while my mum is at work; the last step.
I used to love being home alone; listen to music, eat whatever I wanted, stay in bed all day, now i'm so scared, i'm scared incase; I fall, I can't open a jar, I have a panic attack, incase I feel lonely, incase someone knocks and I'm so slow that I don't get to the door in time. things that deep down I know i'll be fine with in the end.
Nothing feels better than visiting my house for the final time, the next time I will be here for good, no hospital trips (accept for appointments).
It's time to start living my life, my 'new life. I have to learn to be independent at an age where the majority of my friends are living away from home some have babies and then theres me, learning to walk, and live with one arm\hand. Only able to get around in a wheelchair. After something I never thought could happen to someone at my age. It may be my last visit home but, this is the start of something new.
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