Chemotherapy..

''Were giving you chemotherapy''
''It's not curable, its manageable''

*Lizzie, hold in the tears don't cry*

''I've printed off a sheet of information about the condition''
*It says macmillan cancer.. what is going on*

''Here you go, have a read, I will monitor you by regular blood tests''

I walked to the hospital pharmacy, sat on a wooden chair opposite the toilets shaking
*who do I tell??*
Holding in the tears trying to think ''Happy thoughts'' I managed to keep calm..
reading a sheet that tells me my condition..
Random words swirling round my head;
*chemotherapy*
*bone marrow*
*stroke*
*shit*
and so on..

All I could picture was my mum when she had chemotherapy for her cancer, and how strong she stayed, she's my inspiration and who I will gain my strength from.

It's not cancer.

Okay so not a lot of people know as I tend to try to keep it all to myself, I was diagnosed with 'Essential Thrombocythaemia' basically a rare condition affecting the bone marrow, I have ''too many platelets' these help the blood clot,

They've discovered it by taking a blood test, my blood range is between 600 - 800 when its meant to be between 150 - 400

It's basically what caused my stroke but has only just been found,

Chemotherapy is a way of managing it for me, as i'm on so much medication they can't interfere and give me anything else;

Hydroxycarbamide; is a tablet form of chemotherapy..

Obviously when I first heard 'were giving you chemo' I nearly screamed, but its not as bad as it sounds..

The side affects aren't as bad as normal chemo, just a slight similarities;
hair thinning
fatigue
loss of appetite


I started it yesterday as I only take three a week as well as iron tablets everyday,

''Oh my god Lizzie, we need a catch up!!''
''Lizzie, whats happened?!?''

I'm going to put it bluntly,
i need REAL  friends, not fake, you can't come into my life then leave like
'the last lot'
as I'm still recovering from a brain injury..

i'm not a 'story' it's just a journey I'm going to have to overcome..
and I wont let it defeat me.