Memories

The night of my stroke will always remain in my memory; everyday, every night and probably for the rest of my life..
it's coming up to three years, three years of always talking badly of my brain and accusing it of 'ruining my life' but turns out it's created a better life..
I ask my mum "what was I like before my stroke?"
I know she gets so fed up with answering, it's just a way of making me realise that my strange idea of wanting to be normal was actually in fact not even a nice person.

I cope by being confident and independent, I don't let it get to me, everyone has bad days and good days..
after a stroke you assume everyday will be a bad day, wishing you could turn back time to before, I remember thinking if I changed the time on my clocks to before that it'd make me how I was..

I've returned to many places I visited at my worst, all of them were viewed from a different angle as I was in a wheelchair, even last year only the floor was viewed, now I've learnt to hold my head up and walk feeling confident.

Yes people stare and wonder why I'm walking like I am or why my arm stays in the consistent position as if I'm going to punch someone..
I remember feeling so hurt when people stared at me when I was in a wheelchair, to the point where if I see someone in one i smile, I used to get ignored and the person wheeling me would get a smile.. as if id be deleted from the world and was an embarrassment to those who didn't know me.

Life's a recovery, sometimes a struggle and really difficult.
But it's only going to get better..