My stroke of motivation

motivation is such a tough ‘thing’ to achieve.

And for me it’s quite difficult to motivate myself to ‘get up and go’
When I first suffered my stroke I lost all motivation to do anything, but it’s normal because of how low I felt..

Today I finally went to the gym! I know I know, I’ve still had myoclonic seizures I shouldn’t be going but..

I need to ‘get up and go!’ And I’m going on holiday soon..

You need the confidence to go to the gym which is something I needed to regain aswell as the motivation *next blog post! Watch this space*

My beautiful brain
Returning to the gym.

‘You look really well’

maybe it’s the way I’m walking or just the way I’m presenting myself
But recently people have said I look really well.

I’ve started questioning this comment due to curiousity
*what is well?*
“I suppose it’s the way you’re positive and maybe how you’re so polite” my doctor replied..

I mean, I’m in a good place, a place I never thought I’d be and a position I never imagined I’d see.


My beautiful brain
Positive and recovering
And enjoying CBT. (Weirdly)

Graduation outfit

I remember the time I bought my prom outfit and I spent £30 in river island on some tacky dress..

This time I went all out on some expensive ted baker dress because its such a big day.

The best feeling I think was the man almost refusing to let my mum into the changing room to help me get into the dress.

I still need help, and like mum said
‘it’s so expensive, you don’t want to ruin it’
Which I think she only said to make me feel better..

We set goals to ‘not snap’ we agreed on ‘what I’d accept help with’ and what I wouldn’t,

Argumentative stability I suppose

My beautiful brain
Accepting help
And an extra hand.
No pun intended..

It’s all in your head..

‘Counsellors say’..
being depressed is just a cycle and your own thoughts constantly repeating themselves, going round and round in your head, after all ‘you’ve been through a hell of a lot!’

I knew the project I was doing for university was going to be really difficult -
Opening up the past, interviewing my family and finding out things I never knew about; myself, how I was, the way I treated people and the way that a stroke affects the family..
Mentally & physically.

University was my goal, just like walking and I’m nearly at the end and I couldn’t be happier. But I’m not proud, I cant seem to be proud of my achievements..

Predicted a 2:1 to me just seems shit..
I received 59% in my dissertation which was the same as my friend and I was really shocked but I’ve always compared myself to others.

I set goals still but I guess it’s coming to the end & having to start counselling due to a project is really tough

My beautiful brain
Struggling but trying to cope.

The next step..

I realised that I needed to reflect on my recovery and even though I despised being in hospital they did help me..

Plan

Try

Think

And the main thing;

Set goals!

I wake up everyday *obviously* and recently I’ve decided to start setting myself a goal for everyday. todays was,

Join the gym!

This was a huge step for me due to the seizures, but I finally did it!

Next step

Actually go..

Wish me luck 

My beautiful brain

And the summer body to be..