Affected Brain

Today I had my assessment/report read too me and my mum about basically how well or not so well, i'd done on the cognitive tests i've been doing for about 6 months too get me back too uni and understand why I treat some people how I do; snappy, aggressive, angry, upset and confused over things that before i'd literally just do without thinking about.

My neuropsychologist read out a report she's written on me and the results, she's recently had meetings with me to talk about what I was like at; school, work & who I hung around with..

Oh and ''what i'd get up to at weekends''

As she read out this report infront of my mum I just burst into tears, she'd reffer to it as ''before the stroke Lizzie was...'' And i've never even realised how much the stroke's actually damaged my brain.

'' She finds it hard to concentrate on two things at once''

''Lizzie struggles with strategies and understanding peoples emotions so she will either react with aggression or just get upset''


''Lizzie needs special care with learning how to take things in and actually knowing how to react''



I could see my mums face just staring at me as my lip started shaking, I looked at my neuropsychologist and burst into uncontrollable tears, literally tears that couldn't be stopped, I couldn't even; think, speak or explain anything. I just looked at my mum and she came and hugged me.

My neuropsychologist stroked my back and just said '' This is fir your benefit, you probably wont even get into this rehab centre Lizzie, so don't let it get in the way of your recovery now''

There it was again, the tears All I could say was;

'' You never realise how much a stroke can affect someone, I never realised how much i've changed as a person and the fact i'll never be the same again hurts,  I feel like i've wasted my life before my stroke worrying about stupid things like; ooo my make-up looks awful or I need to have the best outfit I need to look nice.
My stroke'd given me an insite to just grow up and mature earlier than most other people.
It's now about living life healthily and happily, than going clubbing and getting pissed every night and wasting time worrying about what people actually think about me, because truth is..

It doesn't actually matter
it's your life and you only get one shot at it, so make the most of doing what makes you happy, not trying to please other people.



So the main reason for this particular blog post is, don't assume that because i'm happy and smiling or able to walk & talk i'm normal because i'm so badly affected that it makes me feel physically sick to even think about how my brain looks.