Leaving my nest

I call it my nest as I'm like a baby bird flying for the first time, leaving her family and venturing on with life, I've always lived with my parents, when I was 10 my mum and dad split up and I remember being so excited to have two houses to stay at, I never really considered how difficult it would be seeing them settling without each other..

I've been living with my mum and step dad who've supported me through most things life throws at me and I'm sure you all know, that it's a lot..

''Liz, you'll get lonely sometimes..''
*i know! Jesus please stop reminding me..*

*ooo look, house decorations*

I've viewed my flat and I'm viewing it for the last time today before I get the keys, I'm so excited.

" I want everything to be new mum, nothing passed down!"
"Liz, it's not that easy, everything I got was from the house clearance of my mum"

Everyone's started the whole "accept help when it's offered you'll need it.." Again
You know the whole leaving hospital and adapting to life and needing help with everything!

I take it out on the people I love and support me the most, yes that's my mum and step dad (Liam's got off lightly)...

My brain is very OCD when I have a plan I have to do it, that's my direction, my goal and my aim..

I know deep down I'll need the help (everyone does)


I've ordered so much!
I mean I'm one of those crazy house addicts

"Liz you don't need it all now!"

*urgh just stop Liz don't kick off*
The image of my aim appears
"Mum! I have the money now and I want to get it all incase I spend it on crap"

I keep showing Liam and my mum pictures of; new sofas, kettles and random crap like those quote signs that you just hang up, they get dusty and you think "why did I buy that when I need food??"
Obviously Liam's the typical guy " yeah that's nice.."
Like when you drag them into shops and they say that for everything you try on!
Mum gets my determination to buy everything so she gets it..

Learning to budget is stressful, I'm so bad at budgeting money, if you saw my wardrobe and bank statements you'd know...

When I move in it'll be summer holidays so I'll be all alone in a flat I hardly know.. Yes I'm terrified I'm anxious and I have nightmares about getting so lonely I'll be depressed..

It reminds me of when I left hospital and could only sit on the sofa, desperate to leave and see the world, start my journey of life..

Now it's come it's scary,
It's like when you're 15 and keep saying "Urgh I can't wait till I'm 18 or 21!!"

Just to be able to get into clubs and feel older..
It's so over rated.


It's adapted to my needs but it's still scary..

So here's to the start of my new journey

My life, my future and my recovery in some aspects
(Writing that last bit made me well up)