slow down..

This time believe it or not the title isn't about me telling someone to walk slower..

In two years i've managed to overcome things I would of never achieved before the stroke, I won't even bore you by listing them because it's all I ever talk about..

When I was recovering at first I hated my life and wanted it to speed up
mum would hug me and dry away the tears of hating my life, wishing I was normal, complaining I was a freak and hating everyone for leaving me (which is normal....)

I have everything I ever wanted and much more than I ever thought i'd gain..
accept a hand..

It's so scary, focusing on goals that are so big and depend on the rest of your life,
Moving out
university
and so on..

It's all happened fast that it's scaring me,
the talks about
''what doors do you want easier access locks on??''
''Are you able to open the cooker?''

*Ugh I really don't know, I just want it to be sorted, isn't it just a door?!*..

everyone does and says so much and it's stuff I can't take in properly
even at uni, it's;
''right, do this, then that, then this..''
I get headaches on my right side only, in my head..
Is my brain adapting??
*please don't adapt to this crazy world of constant movement and stress*

*Liz come on, you wanted to be ''normal''*

I keep telling myself to stop overthinking..
*Liz, maybe you rushed back and rushed everything to quick*...

I don't want to be where i was in 2014; stressed, unhappy, scared, ILL and more importantly too selfish to understand my body was failing.

I still forget so much, I have a whole 'notes' page on my phone of things i've seen during the day that I won't remember in the evening.. just to tell people ''funny things''

*Are they really funny though liz?*

I look around every time I actually get a break to try to analyse this world and where I belonged to be for so long,
hiding in the anxiety and fears of anything dangerous, repeating in my head that i've achieved more than the person frowning at my hand across the road would..

I don't want this feeling forever
and I don't want my brain to shut down, again

I just want to feel calm, in this 'normal' world i've reached (strange goal of mine as of 2014)
* Liz, you wanted this normal life*