Mother's Day 2017

'Day release' (march 26th 2014) 
'My main request was to have loads of photos to remember how good the day was. I want to be able to look back and see how strong I've been. its hard to put on a brave smile when you're unable to control your body, but I did.  When I got back to the hospital I made sure I had one of me and Luke standing, I love that I can stand properly''

I'm writing this today sitting in a place I've walked too, a place I sit after I finish uni everyday..
My splint rubbing because I've grown out of it, my arm bent but loose, aware of it's changes as years have passed..
My smile as big as I can stretch my mouth (still recovering from my droop)
My bag on one shoulder full of books, a camera and other things..

I'm writing this today after visiting the place I used to dread.. 
the ward, 

I stood in a place I never thought I'd stand again..
''Day release'' a reflection of how I was and how I am now..

A time when....

I hated myself and everything my brain had done to me.
I  thought I was in a healthy relationship but was being controlled and used for them to 'look good'.
my leg would swing my knee would shake and my arm wouldn't stretch.
my confidence was as weak as my brain and my independence didn't exsist 

I stepped out to wait for the taxi and didn't even realise where I was until I looked ahead, 
The bench id been wheeled to when visitors came. 

As I looked down and the memory came back, the memory of being so excited to go out for the day and escape the ward after two months.
I smiled a real smile, a smile of strength confidence and independence,
It's mental to reflect, I always used to assume I'd never be able to look back, in fact when writing the day release blog I cried myself to sleep because I never thought I'd be where I am now.

I never thought I'd be at uni walking properly or even going to the gym let alone living with my fiancé.