As well as the odd stares and funny looks you get because you look 'different' to someone. (this chav that glared at me on the bus today because my arm sticks up and doesn't move, like his.)
Oh and learning to walk again, and not falling asleep when you have a conversation.
I've realised the hardest thing is; Everyday noticing little things that your brain can't do anymore. Goodbye to the brain I thought would carry me through life and had to put up with the constant things I once hated; school, exams and arguments. And hello to a new brain I have to train to do everything again, I hate how I will get told something like; ''oh liz, you've got an appointment at 9:50 thursday. can you remember?'' and I stupidly reply; ''yeah! i'll remember'' Because before I would, it would be like my brain was a huge diary, i'd remember; peoples names, how to multitask, how to stay awake and appointments for one of the many health conditions I unfortunately have. Or should I say ''unluckily have'' because, yeah to all you people who need to learn how not to make someone feel like absolute shit. I am ''unlucky'' if you hadn't noticed.
Well now; I can't remember much, I forget things and today I made me and Luke wake up at 8, thinking my hospital appointment was at; 9:30. When I was told; 9:50 probably numerous amounts of times, but... I don't remember. So, I turned up with Luke all proud, walked in the office ''Oh, hi! i'm very early, but i've got an appointment at 9:30''
Holding the letter that clearly states; ''Elizabeth 'unlucky Ashmore. you have an appointment at 9:50''
I was so chuffed i'd turned up early, i'm always late now. We both waited on the sofas outside, The lady walks out and politely says; ''Oh, your appointments at 9:50 Elizabeth''.
Talking to me but probably in her head like the rest of the world who doesn't know me but talks to me thinking;''well... she's clearly mad''.
I'm slowly realising things that my brain can't do, which hurts and is hard. I want to just break down and cry, You want someone to just give you their brain and tell you everything will be okay. But they never will, So now and probably until i'm old and grey i'll have to train my brain. Not by doing silly brain training games, but; colouring in, giving myself little things to remember, doing exercises and walking.
I'm still the same person, at least I try to be. Not to make anyone happy, but to prove to myself i'm not an absolute nutcase.
I've only just started to accept that I forget things. So it's just like accepting that i've had a stroke, which is harder than all of the people that can't even deal with a poxy cold; You're not dying from it, you never will, you need to man up, you're still the same, you haven't changed from it and imagine having a stroke you'd never be able to handle it. No offence, but that hurts; reading people moan about the smallest things.
I'm starting to get my confidence back, slowly but surely and as much as i'd love to, It doesn't mean i'll be clubbing anytime soon. But i'll definately be able to leave the house on my own. So make the most of your brain working and functioning. Don't moan about a cold because there is much worse things that can happen and make the most of being able to; run, walk, jump, swim and smile at someone you know without them trying to find a stupid slant in your face.
Thursday, 31 July 2014
Tuesday, 29 July 2014
please don't
The thing I find hard to understand is when someone tells me "I look well"
you don't understand how hard everyday can be, just getting the motivation to actually get out of bed tires me out. Even looking around a shop tires me to the point where I cry because I want my bed. Walking to the town takes more energy than it's worth. Having a conversation is so tiring I can't hold a proper conversation anymore. When you've had a stroke you feel like you'll never be like you were before. You have random people stare at you when all you're trying to do is live your life and appreciate everyday. You sometimes fake smiles to pretend you're not hurting inside and pretend that you feel like the strokes not destroyed your life. When really it's destroyed alot of your brain.
Today I actually bucked up the courage to walk alone without my stick, I was scared,I was hurting inside and my body ached. I had random people ask me if I was 'okay' so clearly I look as disabled as I feel. I watched a girl walk really fast infront of me, I kept trying so hard to make my leg move faster,fast enough to just get home quicker.But it didn't work, I cried because all I could do was hobble along. Just being proud that I was walking. Just reminising on the times I'd rushed home from work and been so tired I just wanted to take my shoes off and have a foot massage or a nice relaxing bath. An after stroke ache is so different to that after work feeling. You crave your bed, you want to just sit and calm down. An after stroke tiredness is worse than wearing heels on a night out and having your feet sting when you take them off and touch the ground. You literally feel like a switch in your heads just gone 'ping!! Not anymore lizzie, you need sleep and I'm switching off until you let me rest'.
So please don't tell me 'I look well' it hurts and I just want my life back, and to be the person I was before.
It's harder than you realise and it takes alot of energy to do something you'd find easy.
you don't understand how hard everyday can be, just getting the motivation to actually get out of bed tires me out. Even looking around a shop tires me to the point where I cry because I want my bed. Walking to the town takes more energy than it's worth. Having a conversation is so tiring I can't hold a proper conversation anymore. When you've had a stroke you feel like you'll never be like you were before. You have random people stare at you when all you're trying to do is live your life and appreciate everyday. You sometimes fake smiles to pretend you're not hurting inside and pretend that you feel like the strokes not destroyed your life. When really it's destroyed alot of your brain.
Today I actually bucked up the courage to walk alone without my stick, I was scared,I was hurting inside and my body ached. I had random people ask me if I was 'okay' so clearly I look as disabled as I feel. I watched a girl walk really fast infront of me, I kept trying so hard to make my leg move faster,fast enough to just get home quicker.But it didn't work, I cried because all I could do was hobble along. Just being proud that I was walking. Just reminising on the times I'd rushed home from work and been so tired I just wanted to take my shoes off and have a foot massage or a nice relaxing bath. An after stroke ache is so different to that after work feeling. You crave your bed, you want to just sit and calm down. An after stroke tiredness is worse than wearing heels on a night out and having your feet sting when you take them off and touch the ground. You literally feel like a switch in your heads just gone 'ping!! Not anymore lizzie, you need sleep and I'm switching off until you let me rest'.
So please don't tell me 'I look well' it hurts and I just want my life back, and to be the person I was before.
It's harder than you realise and it takes alot of energy to do something you'd find easy.
Saturday, 26 July 2014
Oh my god...REALLY?
This week i've met so many different people that all have the same reaction.
And from this blog post i'm sure you can guess what it is.
I've spent the majority of the week with my nan which i've loved but also got annoyed with (sometimes). My nan loves a good gossip, especially about... my stroke, I love her so much but now half of deal/dover know whats happened to me.
For example we walked into new look and all I wanted to do was chat with the lady at the till (like I would of before) and my nan tells me to step back and loudly says: ''now, would you think my beautiful grand daughter has had a stroke'' This poor lady just looked so confused and stared at me, up and down.. ''No not at all''
my nan just simply says or should I say shouts '' well she has and she's made incredible progress''
This poor lady stares at me, her bottom lip shakes ''oh my god... REALLY, you can't tell, you look so good.Normally people die!''
My jaw dropped, and all I could respond is.. ''Yeah luckily I didn't''
She kind of giggled and then it happened, Something I've never witnessed before. `She burst into tears, In the middle of the shop.
I wanted to hug her and tell her I was okay, But she could only respond with ''I'm so sorry, it's the hormones''
Now, I know we were sharing personal details but I honestly didn't need to know that much.
We left the shop and I just shouted ''have a good day, sorry for upsetting you!''
My nan smiled and just kept talking about how much progress i'd made, so the rest of the customers could have a good stare at me and probably judge in their heads.
It's exactly the same reaction,minus the tears when we tried to get my blood thinners, people completely change their attitude towards you when they know why you need them, again my nan ''Now, my beautiful grand daughter needs these tablets, she's had a stroke and has run out of these tablets''
The pharmacist's jaw dropped and she just gazed at me, almost with a look of sympathy ''oh you poor thing''
I just respond ''Ahh, shit happens!''
Anyway, The moral of my blog post is, no matter what happens good or bad you can always count on you're nan to spread the word.
I love her more than words can describe but sometimes it can annoy me.
And from this blog post i'm sure you can guess what it is.
I've spent the majority of the week with my nan which i've loved but also got annoyed with (sometimes). My nan loves a good gossip, especially about... my stroke, I love her so much but now half of deal/dover know whats happened to me.
For example we walked into new look and all I wanted to do was chat with the lady at the till (like I would of before) and my nan tells me to step back and loudly says: ''now, would you think my beautiful grand daughter has had a stroke'' This poor lady just looked so confused and stared at me, up and down.. ''No not at all''
my nan just simply says or should I say shouts '' well she has and she's made incredible progress''
This poor lady stares at me, her bottom lip shakes ''oh my god... REALLY, you can't tell, you look so good.Normally people die!''
My jaw dropped, and all I could respond is.. ''Yeah luckily I didn't''
She kind of giggled and then it happened, Something I've never witnessed before. `She burst into tears, In the middle of the shop.
I wanted to hug her and tell her I was okay, But she could only respond with ''I'm so sorry, it's the hormones''
Now, I know we were sharing personal details but I honestly didn't need to know that much.
We left the shop and I just shouted ''have a good day, sorry for upsetting you!''
My nan smiled and just kept talking about how much progress i'd made, so the rest of the customers could have a good stare at me and probably judge in their heads.
It's exactly the same reaction,minus the tears when we tried to get my blood thinners, people completely change their attitude towards you when they know why you need them, again my nan ''Now, my beautiful grand daughter needs these tablets, she's had a stroke and has run out of these tablets''
The pharmacist's jaw dropped and she just gazed at me, almost with a look of sympathy ''oh you poor thing''
I just respond ''Ahh, shit happens!''
Anyway, The moral of my blog post is, no matter what happens good or bad you can always count on you're nan to spread the word.
I love her more than words can describe but sometimes it can annoy me.
Wednesday, 23 July 2014
one of the lucky ones
Strokes affect people in different ways, I was in my eyes one of the lucky ones;
people; loose their voice, loose their personality and unfortunately some pass away
I am lucky as i've regained movement in my leg and can walk again. with and without a stick.
When I feel really down I just think of how lucky I am to even be alive. Something that when you've had a near death experience you see people that just take life for granted.
I have a huge folder full of exercises i'm meant to do but never do, just because I get so fatigued, I get so tired just looking around shops that I can't shop for long, I find talking tiring that I tend not to talk for long if I know i've got a busy day because I end up needing a nap.
I forget things so easily that I rely on my mum to write me a list of reminders.
I blow on ice cream because my brain forgets it's already cold.
I take 12 tablets daily
this is pretty much how the stroke has affected me. I can only wish it recovers more, hopefully to the point where I remember that ice cream is already cold, but yet daily I still see people moan about how crap their life is.
You never realise how short life is until something bad happens, just like how many fake friends you gain. People whom at school would treat you like dirt on their shoe but can't wait to become Facebook friends. (fuck knows why)
I've had to re-learn the simplest of things (at least thats what they'd of been before my stroke;
Learning to stand
Learning to balance
Learning to walk
Learning to shower
Learning to walk through a room holding a drink or food
Learning how to roll over in bed
Learning how to stand up from the floor
people; loose their voice, loose their personality and unfortunately some pass away
I am lucky as i've regained movement in my leg and can walk again. with and without a stick.
When I feel really down I just think of how lucky I am to even be alive. Something that when you've had a near death experience you see people that just take life for granted.
I have a huge folder full of exercises i'm meant to do but never do, just because I get so fatigued, I get so tired just looking around shops that I can't shop for long, I find talking tiring that I tend not to talk for long if I know i've got a busy day because I end up needing a nap.
I forget things so easily that I rely on my mum to write me a list of reminders.
I blow on ice cream because my brain forgets it's already cold.
I take 12 tablets daily
this is pretty much how the stroke has affected me. I can only wish it recovers more, hopefully to the point where I remember that ice cream is already cold, but yet daily I still see people moan about how crap their life is.
You never realise how short life is until something bad happens, just like how many fake friends you gain. People whom at school would treat you like dirt on their shoe but can't wait to become Facebook friends. (fuck knows why)
I've had to re-learn the simplest of things (at least thats what they'd of been before my stroke;
Learning to stand
Learning to balance
Learning to walk
Learning to shower
Learning to walk through a room holding a drink or food
Learning how to roll over in bed
Learning how to stand up from the floor
Thursday, 17 July 2014
a place for the old
I had my latest check up since my stroke. Me and Luke couldn't be late so we had to get a taxi to the hospital, but managed to walk all the way back without my stick.
My stroke consultant said she was so impressed with how far i've come and in six months time you'll never of known I had a major stroke. Which I don't believe.
When I go to the 'ambulatory care unit' to wait for my appointment i'm surrounded by old people, It's a place you go if you have; TIAS (mini strokes), DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis), Cellulitus, PE (Pulmonary Embolism)Cellulitis,Anemia and COPD( Chronic obstructive Pulmonary Disease).
I am always the youngest in there, The other patients just look at me in confusion as I walk through with my walking stick. Today was a different day, for the first time I wore a dress with my splint on show (it looked awful) but I honestly couldn't care less anymore. I'm just so happy to be walking.When me and Luke got in the taxi, the taxi driver looked at my leg splint and asked if we wanted to be dropped off at the Fracture clinic, I just laughed.
I am always the youngest in there, The other patients just look at me in confusion as I walk through with my walking stick. Today was a different day, for the first time I wore a dress with my splint on show (it looked awful) but I honestly couldn't care less anymore. I'm just so happy to be walking.Last night me and Luke went out for dinner, I walked all the way to his house on my own (my first walk alone since my stroke) And I felt so independent, I had the biggest smile on my face and held my head high. I passed one of my neighbours who stopped me and said ''you're so brave!'' Whilst walking through town we passed a drunk man who pointed at me and said ''whats that all about then!'' pointing at my hand and leg splint. All I can say about him is if it happened to him i'm sure he wouldn't cope and he's a wanker. Luke was so annoyed with him, and I just kept on walking, i'm not going to let someone who needs to get drunk to have fun ruin my day. And his teeth were clearly fake. I have no time for people like that, people who feel the need to make someone feel down. And i've been through much worse than his petty comments.
My stroke consultant said she was so impressed with how far i've come and in six months time you'll never of known I had a major stroke. Which I don't believe.
When I go to the 'ambulatory care unit' to wait for my appointment i'm surrounded by old people, It's a place you go if you have; TIAS (mini strokes), DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis), Cellulitus, PE (Pulmonary Embolism)Cellulitis,Anemia and COPD( Chronic obstructive Pulmonary Disease).
I am always the youngest in there, The other patients just look at me in confusion as I walk through with my walking stick. Today was a different day, for the first time I wore a dress with my splint on show (it looked awful) but I honestly couldn't care less anymore. I'm just so happy to be walking.When me and Luke got in the taxi, the taxi driver looked at my leg splint and asked if we wanted to be dropped off at the Fracture clinic, I just laughed.
I am always the youngest in there, The other patients just look at me in confusion as I walk through with my walking stick. Today was a different day, for the first time I wore a dress with my splint on show (it looked awful) but I honestly couldn't care less anymore. I'm just so happy to be walking.Last night me and Luke went out for dinner, I walked all the way to his house on my own (my first walk alone since my stroke) And I felt so independent, I had the biggest smile on my face and held my head high. I passed one of my neighbours who stopped me and said ''you're so brave!'' Whilst walking through town we passed a drunk man who pointed at me and said ''whats that all about then!'' pointing at my hand and leg splint. All I can say about him is if it happened to him i'm sure he wouldn't cope and he's a wanker. Luke was so annoyed with him, and I just kept on walking, i'm not going to let someone who needs to get drunk to have fun ruin my day. And his teeth were clearly fake. I have no time for people like that, people who feel the need to make someone feel down. And i've been through much worse than his petty comments.
Anyway, my reason for this blog post is just to clarify that strokes can happen to anyone at any age and as i've had one, I'd honestly do anything to prevent having one; stop smoking, check your cholesterol, look out for any warning signs, be aware of if you have any illnesses and if they can cause strokes.
I visited my old ward (the harvey ward) at Canterbury hospital. If anyone reading this knows anyone who's had; brain injuries, a stroke or a serious accident. then get them to be moved to the Harvey ward, It specialises in physiotherapy and occupational therapy. And without the physiotherapy I received whilst there I wouldn't be standing/walking now. I owe them so much.I saw all the old nurses that had looked after me, they were so happy to see me, poor Luke was just standing waiting for them to stop telling me how far i'd come. I stood there with the biggest smile on my face, they all hugged me and asked me how i'm doing. I always cry when I walk far or see someone I haven't seen since my stroke, because I feel i'm a different person and I don't want them to think anything less of me.
Wednesday, 16 July 2014
Baby steps
I've ALWAYS been the most impatient person. But i've had to learn to just deal with things not happening quickly.
After you have a stroke you learn that everything takes forever to happen. You watch people walking and wonder how they make it look so easy.
one thing I can't do is walk and talk, I find it so hard to multitask. Mainly because i'm concentrating so hard on which foot goes in front and how my leg has to move.
The best things to happen are when you move something for the first time. Just imagine loosing the movement of something so important to you. And then moving it randomly after; months, days possibly years (as i've heard you still recover after years)
One thing that people have asked; me, Luke and anyone who's read my blog post is;
''is she training for a marathon'' - no i'm not. The first thing my stroke consultant said to me when I woke up after my stroke was ''recovering from a stroke is like training for a marathon''
1) I can't run
2) I can barley make it around town without crying from being so tired
3) I walk as slow as an old woman, so i'd come last IF I was training for a marathon
4) I've only just learnt how to walk and carry a cup of tea through to my living room
5) I'm one of the laziest people you'll ever come across
6) Before my stroke I could barely run
Some things you learn when you have a stroke:
1) Life can be much worse than when you just have a bad hair day
2) People will say what they want, it's not your job to impress anyone, you just have to get on with living
3) Your brain powers so much, As stupid as this sounds; I never knew your hand or legs were controlled by your brain. (hence why I was in such shock when I woke up paralysed)
4) A stroke can happen to ANYONE at any age. You just need to be cautious of the warning signs
5) cooking with one hand is the hardest thing to do.
6) I've never had so many people stare at me, than I had when I first walked around town with my stick.
7) I've never missed working so badly
8) your mum is always looking out for you and is the only person who will tell you the truth
shit life throws at you:
I spent all week last week having sezuire's, and being unsure of what had happened. Something that happened before my stroke was sezuire's that i'd remember and could recall how horrible they were. Since my stroke i've been diagnosed with epilepsy, I used to suffer from really bad anxiety, wondering if i'd have a sezuire in town or at work. but since my stroke I feel i've overcome it. because there is much worse things that can happen.
I now have an epilepsy nurse to add to my list of people to help me; physio, OT, I.N.R blood tester.
Some of the best days i've had since my stroke:
1) shocking an old lady who actually asked what had happened to me, because I couldn't open a drink
2) Going to bluewater with Georgia and Jade
3) Staying in London with Luke and his sister, so she could watch one direction
4) Taking my first steps
5) Walking around Canterbury hospital and having the nurses/porters cheer me on because i'm walking
6) walking into town and not being really tired
7) walking through Fenwicks and seeing old work mates
8) going to Torr spa with my mum and having a full body massage
9) Straightening my arm for the first time
10) Walking around Primark in Canterbury
11) Being on the news and aiming to raise awareness in young strokes
12) standing for the first time without feeling faint
13) Going to ashford outlet with Louise and trying on loads of sunglasses
One thing thats made me smile is having people message me and tell me i've helped them be more confident about their illnesses and that i'm an inspiration. But really I have no other choice than to do what i'm doing, i'm 20 and don't want to be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life.
After you have a stroke you learn that everything takes forever to happen. You watch people walking and wonder how they make it look so easy.
one thing I can't do is walk and talk, I find it so hard to multitask. Mainly because i'm concentrating so hard on which foot goes in front and how my leg has to move.
The best things to happen are when you move something for the first time. Just imagine loosing the movement of something so important to you. And then moving it randomly after; months, days possibly years (as i've heard you still recover after years)
One thing that people have asked; me, Luke and anyone who's read my blog post is;
''is she training for a marathon'' - no i'm not. The first thing my stroke consultant said to me when I woke up after my stroke was ''recovering from a stroke is like training for a marathon''
1) I can't run
2) I can barley make it around town without crying from being so tired
3) I walk as slow as an old woman, so i'd come last IF I was training for a marathon
4) I've only just learnt how to walk and carry a cup of tea through to my living room
5) I'm one of the laziest people you'll ever come across
6) Before my stroke I could barely run
Some things you learn when you have a stroke:
1) Life can be much worse than when you just have a bad hair day
2) People will say what they want, it's not your job to impress anyone, you just have to get on with living
3) Your brain powers so much, As stupid as this sounds; I never knew your hand or legs were controlled by your brain. (hence why I was in such shock when I woke up paralysed)
4) A stroke can happen to ANYONE at any age. You just need to be cautious of the warning signs
5) cooking with one hand is the hardest thing to do.
6) I've never had so many people stare at me, than I had when I first walked around town with my stick.
7) I've never missed working so badly
8) your mum is always looking out for you and is the only person who will tell you the truth
shit life throws at you:
I spent all week last week having sezuire's, and being unsure of what had happened. Something that happened before my stroke was sezuire's that i'd remember and could recall how horrible they were. Since my stroke i've been diagnosed with epilepsy, I used to suffer from really bad anxiety, wondering if i'd have a sezuire in town or at work. but since my stroke I feel i've overcome it. because there is much worse things that can happen.
I now have an epilepsy nurse to add to my list of people to help me; physio, OT, I.N.R blood tester.
Some of the best days i've had since my stroke:
1) shocking an old lady who actually asked what had happened to me, because I couldn't open a drink
2) Going to bluewater with Georgia and Jade
3) Staying in London with Luke and his sister, so she could watch one direction
4) Taking my first steps
5) Walking around Canterbury hospital and having the nurses/porters cheer me on because i'm walking
6) walking into town and not being really tired
7) walking through Fenwicks and seeing old work mates
8) going to Torr spa with my mum and having a full body massage
9) Straightening my arm for the first time
10) Walking around Primark in Canterbury
11) Being on the news and aiming to raise awareness in young strokes
12) standing for the first time without feeling faint
13) Going to ashford outlet with Louise and trying on loads of sunglasses
One thing thats made me smile is having people message me and tell me i've helped them be more confident about their illnesses and that i'm an inspiration. But really I have no other choice than to do what i'm doing, i'm 20 and don't want to be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life.
Friday, 4 July 2014
turning a negative into a positive
life as we know has good days and bad days, some of us are lucky enough to be strong and deal with the shit it brings, as most of you are aware i'm the most unlucky person in the world probably..
when I was 15months old I was diagnosed with nephrotic syndrome, a kidney dissorder which we've recently found out can cause blood clots
when I was 15/16 I suffered sezuires and they scanned my brain and diagnosed me with something called; benign intercranial hypertension. which means theres too much pressure in your brain (lumbar punctures release the pressure).
I've had sezuires since 2010, not frequently but occainsonally (due to stress) there wasn't a diagnosis of epilepsy untill today. (4th July 2014).
I did get anxiety from the sezuires as they were so unexpected and so uncomfortable, luckily i've realised since my stroke, life can get MUCH worse, and I've overcome the anxiety.
You might have shit days and days where life is amazing, but trust me, theres much worse things that can happen. You just have to turn a negative into a positive, move on and smile.
I've recently signed up too become as 'expert patient) - talking to people with illnesses and helping them deal with; medication, themselves and other obvious things. Hopefully I get the role, as i'd love to talk to other people about their health problems and like to think i'm helping them in some way.
I've had SO many people tell me i'm an 'inspiration' and 'so strong'. I guess i'm just used to health problems, and have learnt to deal with them, as I have no choice :)
I'm hoping to go back to uni, finish my degree and hopefully get back to work. As I used to be one of those people who complained about people just getting money off the goverment.
I have every faith in myself that aslong as my recovery is good I can do these things again.
Thought for the day:
It's just a bad day, not a bad life
and you need to turn every negative into a positive to be able to smile and move on, or as the madagascar penguins says... 'smile and wave'
live every day as if it were your last and hold your head high.
when I was 15months old I was diagnosed with nephrotic syndrome, a kidney dissorder which we've recently found out can cause blood clots
when I was 15/16 I suffered sezuires and they scanned my brain and diagnosed me with something called; benign intercranial hypertension. which means theres too much pressure in your brain (lumbar punctures release the pressure).
I've had sezuires since 2010, not frequently but occainsonally (due to stress) there wasn't a diagnosis of epilepsy untill today. (4th July 2014).
I did get anxiety from the sezuires as they were so unexpected and so uncomfortable, luckily i've realised since my stroke, life can get MUCH worse, and I've overcome the anxiety.
You might have shit days and days where life is amazing, but trust me, theres much worse things that can happen. You just have to turn a negative into a positive, move on and smile.
I've recently signed up too become as 'expert patient) - talking to people with illnesses and helping them deal with; medication, themselves and other obvious things. Hopefully I get the role, as i'd love to talk to other people about their health problems and like to think i'm helping them in some way.
I've had SO many people tell me i'm an 'inspiration' and 'so strong'. I guess i'm just used to health problems, and have learnt to deal with them, as I have no choice :)
I'm hoping to go back to uni, finish my degree and hopefully get back to work. As I used to be one of those people who complained about people just getting money off the goverment.
I have every faith in myself that aslong as my recovery is good I can do these things again.
Thought for the day:
It's just a bad day, not a bad life
and you need to turn every negative into a positive to be able to smile and move on, or as the madagascar penguins says... 'smile and wave'
live every day as if it were your last and hold your head high.
Thursday, 3 July 2014
doing what you have to do
Something i've never been very good at is being able to just throw myself in the 'deep end' and face my fears (to this day i'm still terrified of roller-coasters)
This weeks been a massive challenge for me, i've started getting in contact with friends again and putting myself out there.
Today especially was a huge fear of mine, I was so self concious to walk around town, because of my arm and the fact i'm a young girl walking with a stick.
I spent all night asking Luke ''if you saw me how I am now, what would you think?''
all he could say was ''someone who's learning how to walk again''
I managed to walk all through town, sit in Nando's and then walk home again.
I wasn't as impressed as I should be, I remember being in hospital and even standing up took so much energy, I could only walk 10metres and i'd need to sit down.
So clearly massive progress for me.
Its all about putting yourself out there and facing your biggest fears, I still remember a quote my mum printed for me that was pinned up on the wall next to my hospital bed:
''“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
I remember being so overwhelmed by the stroke and what had happened, the first time I read that quote I just burst into tears and hugged my mum so tight. I just wanted it to all go away and this never to of happened.
I'm still learning so much about how the stroke has affected me, mentally and physically. I'll probably be doing this for the rest of my life.
thought for the day:
shit happens, people stare. but everyone is different
This weeks been a massive challenge for me, i've started getting in contact with friends again and putting myself out there.
Today especially was a huge fear of mine, I was so self concious to walk around town, because of my arm and the fact i'm a young girl walking with a stick.
I spent all night asking Luke ''if you saw me how I am now, what would you think?''
all he could say was ''someone who's learning how to walk again''
I managed to walk all through town, sit in Nando's and then walk home again.
I wasn't as impressed as I should be, I remember being in hospital and even standing up took so much energy, I could only walk 10metres and i'd need to sit down.
So clearly massive progress for me.
Its all about putting yourself out there and facing your biggest fears, I still remember a quote my mum printed for me that was pinned up on the wall next to my hospital bed:
''“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
I remember being so overwhelmed by the stroke and what had happened, the first time I read that quote I just burst into tears and hugged my mum so tight. I just wanted it to all go away and this never to of happened.
I'm still learning so much about how the stroke has affected me, mentally and physically. I'll probably be doing this for the rest of my life.
thought for the day:
shit happens, people stare. but everyone is different
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