Baby steps

I've ALWAYS been the most impatient person. But i've had to learn to just deal with things not happening quickly.


After you have a  stroke you learn that everything takes forever to happen. You watch people walking and wonder how they make it look so easy.

one thing I can't do is walk and talk, I find it so hard to multitask. Mainly because i'm concentrating so hard on which foot goes in front and how my leg has to move.

The best things to happen are when you move something for the first time. Just imagine loosing the movement of something so important to you. And then moving it randomly after; months, days possibly years (as i've heard you still recover after years)


One thing that people have asked; me, Luke and anyone who's read my blog post is;
''is she training for a marathon'' - no i'm not. The first thing my stroke consultant said to me when I woke up after my stroke was ''recovering from a stroke is like training for a marathon''


1) I can't run
2) I can barley make it around town without crying from being so tired
3) I walk as slow as an old woman, so i'd come last IF I was training for a marathon
4) I've only just learnt how to walk and carry a cup of tea through to my living room
5) I'm one of the laziest people you'll ever come across
6) Before my stroke I could barely run


Some things you learn when you have a stroke:

1)  Life can be much worse than when you just have a bad hair day
2) People will say what they want, it's not your job to impress anyone, you just have to get on with living
3) Your brain powers so much, As stupid as this sounds; I never knew your hand or legs were controlled by your brain. (hence why I was in such shock when I woke up paralysed)
4) A stroke can happen to ANYONE at any age. You just need to be cautious of the warning signs
5) cooking with one hand is the hardest thing to do.
6) I've never had so many people stare at me, than I had when I first walked around town with my stick.
7) I've never missed  working so badly
8) your mum is always looking out for you and is the only person who will tell you the truth


shit life throws at you:

I  spent all week last week having sezuire's, and being unsure of what had happened. Something that happened before my stroke was sezuire's that i'd remember and could recall how horrible they were. Since my stroke i've been diagnosed with epilepsy, I used to suffer from really bad anxiety, wondering if i'd have a sezuire in town or at work. but since my stroke I feel i've overcome it. because there is much worse things that can happen.

I now have an epilepsy nurse to add to my list of people to help me; physio, OT, I.N.R blood tester.


Some of the best days i've had since my stroke:

1) shocking an old lady who actually asked what had happened to me, because I couldn't open a drink
2) Going to bluewater with Georgia and Jade
3) Staying in London with Luke and his sister, so she could watch one direction
4) Taking my first steps
5) Walking around Canterbury hospital and having the nurses/porters cheer me on because i'm walking
6) walking into town and not being really tired
7) walking through Fenwicks and seeing old work mates
8) going to Torr spa with my mum and having a full body massage
9) Straightening my arm for the first time
10) Walking around Primark in Canterbury
11) Being on the news and aiming to raise awareness in young strokes
12) standing for the first time without feeling faint
13) Going to ashford outlet with Louise and trying on loads of sunglasses


One thing thats made me smile is having people message me and tell me i've helped them be more confident about their illnesses and that i'm an inspiration. But really I have no other choice than to do what i'm doing, i'm 20 and don't want to be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life.