I just want to be like you

The past few weeks I've carried on trying to 'live my life' trying to do as much as I can just so I can prove I'm able to do it again, 

I go out and do so much walking to the point where my knees ache, I don't nap when I should and just let my body carry on.. Knowing that it's over working, 

I'm trying to hard to be someone I once was, someone who could do pretty much everything, I've made my recovery about getting to know myself and my damaged body, that has become much more damaged since my stroke, making it harder to even think..

I find it impossible to even deal with the simplest of tasks, trying to just do it to prove to myself and others I can beat the stroke, 

Can it be beaten?

Can it be defeated?

Can it create new pathways to just clear away the mess it's created 

I used to think it would, I was so determined it would be beaten and could be defeated, not in terms of getting rid of it completely because that's not possible.

But atleast to the point where I can go out and just do what other people do, without needing a whole week to recover from just going shopping, 

I'm pushing my body to the limit and it's destroying me, destroying how far I've come and the times when I was so determined that it's being beaten.

That was another test, a test that at the end instead of achieving I've failed, failed at trying to be like the rest of you..