What if it comes back?

Tomorrow hopefully I'm picking up the saeboflex which helps you grip/open your hand.. I used it last week and those who read my blogs know how excited I was to see my hand move.

Truth is, I'm really scared.. 

I don't know how to cut up food, I don't know how to get dressed using both hands 

I don't know how to do my hair how I would before

I don't know how it feels to use both hands to wash my hair...

It's in my brain but in a part that I've forgotten how to use, I always say 

'A new arm?'

If mum goes to the shop and asks if I want anything.. 

But in reality I just want to remember what it feels like to use it, when I lifted it using the saeboflex last week, it went all stiff and made my shoulder ache, I've had a neck ache since.. 

I don't want that, I want to just use it like all of you other humans...

Like a 'normal' person would..

But I'm really scared, I feel like if I did the 'wrong movement' or if it did come back and it 'plays up' people will just laugh.. 

Because without my right arm gripping (hiding) my left so the world don't notice it and stare.. 

No one can tell I'm 'not all there' 

I'll just be a regular young person walking down the street..

When I hide it or let it stick out, people have a sense that I struggle with stuff and I need 'that extra bit of help' as my nan says..

It'll be so weak and stiff when I first use it, IF The saeboflex works and a miracle happens...

That I almost don't want it back..

Because I'm scared.