It's a brain injury, I'm not fine.

I get tired I get confused I loose motivation or determination to complete tasks or do something I might be asked to do..
I live in a distant world to any other person who's living without a brain injury,

I tell you 'I'm fine' when you ask how I'm 'doing'..
I'm doing nothing accept living a distant life hoping the many dead brain cells in my brain will magically reconnect.. (Recovering)
'I'm not okay..
Only a few people understand this as I've only opened up to some people about my 'I'm fine thank you' response..

I'm hurting, grieving, in pain, I'm confused, I'm suffering with one of the hardest illnesses..
A brain that doesn't work, giving me weird responses to questions
'Do they speak amsterdamish in Amsterdam?!'
 You laugh, you look at me with an odd expression and I can't understand why, I don't know what emotion I'm receiving from you..

I don't trust people
I trust a fair few, mainly family but not random or strangers.. I guess not many people do,
I have to leave my house hoping that whoever is walking or driving near me would help me if something happened, I analyse people as I walk if their in front of me because I wonder if they would understand my distress of waking up from a seizure..


I forget
I have memory loss, I forget what I've been asked to do, times of people to meet, dates of events, how to cook..
It's improved but plays tricks on my brain sometimes..
Making me feel like I've resorted back to day one when I couldn't tell the time.

I walk with support
My brain may of bought part of my leg back, my splint holds my ankle up to make my 'gateway' like everyone else's.. I get so happy when you tell me I'm walking better or faster.
Because I'm stuck with this walking pattern for life..

I'm emotional,
I cry over the smallest things, I'm like a two year old, responding to the simplest things with tears..

I can't focus on more than one thing
My brain gets tired, I need rest and sometimes help with stuff.

This is my brain, like a constant daydream
Waiting to be over and let me return back to a life of understanding and confidence to complete every goal, task or test people set me.

I'm not failing I'm becoming stronger
My life is like a rollercoaster on the way up, never stopping or going backwards.