My first trip..

Today I had my first uni trip with my new brain and everything..

I woke up early so anxious about how I'd cope; walking around London, a museum and getting home..

'Ouch! Please slow down, I'm so tired'

I mumbled to my teachers..

My splint rubbing my arm sticking out and my shoes turning in at each side. 

I wore an arm splint just so people will realise I have something wrong with my arm..

'I'm just going to the toilet..'

I wobbled down the train as it moved, gripping as tight as I possibly could, digging my nails into the train handles, feeling the blue yellow and black padded striped cushions drift past my fingers.

'Oh shit, sorry!'

The train edged to the left leaving me balancing on a leg that's weak and having no arm to grip on to the chair, 

I managed to fall into a guy in my class, 'i'm really sorry I'm really uneasy on transport and my feet'

I then carried on to use the loo, gripping the hand rail used for support for wheelchair users or elderly people or me..

I finally reached the chair, struggling to grip seats on the way back. 

Waterloo east..

Walking to the imperial war museum, through the hustle and bustle of London streets, crossing busy road and turning sharp corners we reached our destination 

'I'm just going to sit down, I'm sorry I'm so tired'

We walked around the First World War and Second World War exhibitions, 

The Second World War made me cry, I honestly think it was about the fact I had to sit down 10 times during the walk through, as well as watching videos and viewing pictures of the suffering.

As I reached the end I finally ate, my blood sugar so low that little white dots were taking over my eyes, my hand shaking like a nervous person, my leg clonus going insane making my whole body wobble.

'I'm sorry, I get like this when I need sugar'

I ate feeling fine I carried on.. 

One step at a time;

Holding the right hand side rail I stepped down 4 flights of stairs to the bottom floor..

People rushing past me and nudging my shoulder..

I got to exhaustion and needed to get home. 

Walking as fast as I could to the train, missing it by a minute. 

My head spinning and my sugar getting low, everyone's silhouettes spinning around in my view, my eyes throbbing and my hand itchy from my splint rubbing ..

Then changing platforms, 

'Excuse me please could I sit down'

'Urgh okay!' The fat old lady grumbled under her breath

'Thank you so much'

As she walked away analysing why I needed a seat so bad, making me feel guilty.. 

I could Hear my nans voice in my head saying 'Liz you shouldn't feel guilty you need to sit down'

As I sat watching everyone take their journey home from a long day at work, I overheard a mans music 

'Bitter sweet symphony' you know the song with the strings playing.. 

That made me smile. 

The whole day spent realising just how much my stroke has affected me; mentally and physically.. 

In my head knowing that everyone will be saying 

'But Liz, you did it..' 

Excited to reach Canterbury west and just grab Liam or my mum, to lay my head on my pillow to sleep..

Then for tomorrow to start and for more realisations of just how much my stroke has damaged me.