Life's black and white

It's either shit or amazing, 

I can't focus on the Middle emotions anymore. 

I have breakdowns that's what I call them anyway, my brain gets so frustrated I either smash something or just scream and mentally breakdown to the point where I feel like killing myself. 

When something's bad it literally feels like  the end of the world and everything that's happened that's bad comes rushing back to me, I know everything will be okay but it's asif I can't remember anything good. The good filter in my brains broken. 

So bad that I tried to run away from home earlier, I know my limits and how far I can walk I just needed to get away and walk, walk anywhere that I can just be on my own and just drain the stress away. Didn't work it's just made me realise I want to move out and get away, but I can't. I walked past all these houses that I knew my mates lived in and was tempted to just ask to live with them but something inside stopped me, 

Will I always feel like this? 

Will I always be this 'depressed?' 

I've started calling it depression, this is common after a stroke, 

'but liz you've nothing to be depressed about' 

Hmmm.... 

Thankyou Ben Howard for giving me peice of mind and sticking by me while I walk...