Now it's about determination and motivation

I've always written about my stroke or 'accident/incident' as a test to test my ability to beat the tasks I've been set, as small as;

Making a cup of tea, walking upstairs, walking in public, thinking about myself, gaining confidence, talking about my emotions and so on..

I feel like I've passed the test of my ability to control these things and the main task of adapting to only having the use of one arm, people would tell me I'm really motivated and that i must be really determined..

Truth is I never was, i just aimed to make myself happy again and not suffer from what had happened to me.

I will always have different tests even opening a can of beans can be a struggle..

But you try and try and don't let your brain give up, you focus on what you've done and how you could be where you were,

I'm 'here' or 'there' as people would say 'you'll get there lizzie' 

Now I know where the destination was, a place that I thought was impossible to reach.. I mean at times I have really down days where I actually feel like screaming and thinking 'fuck this shit I really can't be bothered anymore, fucking stroke'

I tried and tried to accomplish my set 'tests' given to me by physio's and occupational therapists, it took a while..

I'm on my own now, it's about coping and dealing with life in the new way and most possible way I can with my adaptations.. 

I need strength determination and motivation to get up go and smile everyday till I feel really happy about where I've come; mentally and physically.

My neuropsychologist left just over a year ago but I've coped, I've tried as hard as I can to reach my goal of returning to university and finding things to do to pass the time.. 

Now I'll understand and possibly agree if you tell me I'm really motivated and determined because I never want this to define me or beat me. I've been weak and I'm not going back.