My crazy little world..

we all live on the same world.. 'Earth'

Accept when it comes to my world it's different;

I see you but don't feel you
Numb down the left side, unable to feel if you physically touch me, unless I fall to the floor and bruise as a side effect from my blood condition or a seizure..

'Does that make sense?'
Checking that you understood what I've said, asking if what I've asked you makes sense, you say yes but I don't know if you're lying to me..

My head understanding deep deep down somewhere inside but still confused and trying hard to function like 'you' the 'normal people' who will judge anyone that isn't 'perfect'....

Copying
Aiming to follow a crowd and analysing how they act 'damn I wish I could do that' what?..
'I dunno?' Keep my speed when walking down slopes or keep my balance when stepping up a curb maybe going a day without being anxious..

Emotions
'Oh my god REALLY?' *i don't understand your sarcasm or 'jokes' you aim to tell me a joke or be sarcastic around me.. don't even bother because I don't understand you.. everything is 'true' everything is misunderstood..not by me, by my brain..


My brain
A brain that once was connected 'fully?' We will never know.. but right now and for the past three years? Yes oh my god three!!
*seems like yesterday..* is currently aiming to recover, to become its closest version of 'functional'..

why?
To help me gain my confidence, to 'shine bright'

To..
To make you stop the staring and criticising, watching everything I do, checking I'm okay and 'coping' because I am, in my own 'crazy little world'

Managing
Stutting through life ( the Lizzie walk). acting like everything is how I want it to be..

Anger
The anger outbursts that my family will deal with when I know deep  down  they're right but can't accept it, I NEED to be the 'right one' the snappy moments that are because of my brain injury, this time it's not an excuse, I promise..

Normal
What? Sorry, what is normal? Enlighten me..

Teeth marks
The makeup that is applied with one arm, the lid that is twisted off with my mouth, and the teeth marks left on the ends of all my mascaras and so on..

Crash Bang Wallop
The floor is a friend, a regular friend, whom catches me when I fall.. when my balance is struggling and my splint gives way, when my seizures reach the 'next level' *ground floor please!*

Drained
I'm fatigued I'm tired and writing this has made me tired, why? Because my brain is recovering....


Oh it's a wonderful life!
No really, it is :)