And to whoever created our ridiculous student fees, the time where we all have to reflect on paying it back or apparently "I'll never earn enough money"
(as said by a family member..)
Let's be honest.. who will?
Anyway
When I FIRST had my
I'd just collapse into a heap and then cry because I was obviously really affected by my
Cognitive tests
I might of just been very fortunate but I was put through about 7 stages of 'tests' to check my brain and follow my progress as my main and probably only goal was 'to return to university' I was offered to go to a 'rehab' called Banstead in Surrey but when I visited I didn't like how the place was, it just seemed too 'focused on strokes' and I felt my
My neuropsychologist at the first stages of leaving hospital told me I'd probably never return to university (I always mention this comment) because I was so used to people predicting what I would and wouldn't do..
NEVER let anyone predict your future, even if they are meant to be *the best professional within their job* especially after a stroke as you're so vulnerable that you'd believe anything, everyone's recovery is so different..
My Goal
I remember writing a list of goals with this lady who was just looking at me as if she was preparing to
Walking
University
Showering alone
Not being tired
Being confident and independent
Being happy
And so on...
I did write 'get my arm/hand back but I as well as everyone else knows I'm far too lazy to do exercises and even aim for that..
Learning
Learning is really difficult and I still get learning support which I should be happy about as some don't BUT there is nothing worse than having someone follow you around university making you aware of your disability, as helpful as they are.. but I've cut down on the support, j now only have a writing mentor; essays, lectures and brief and more readings (as I really struggle to remember and memorise)..
I get extremely tired and fatigued at university because of the walking around and thinking..
Anxiety & university
I have regular 'meetings' about my epilepsy with the tutors, who I still think struggle with the fact I say 'yeah it just happens' I mean.. it is scary
I had a tonic clonic on Sunday in my sleep and Liam struggles to 'move me' as I go all stiff..
Like my last post I stated my anxiety comes from my epilepsy, the scariest part is leaving the uni and walking through the college gates as that's where no one understands my disability, I've been pushed and shoved into the road and then shouted at when I say 'sorry my balance is awful' by an older lady AGAIN who then called me a c*nt and threatened to throw her drink over me..
I had said sorry..
Mum
I still get my mum to read through my sketchbooks and essays as I hate it not being double checked, and she comments on the spelling mistakes.. I did get an offer for a dyslexic test but it was far to expensive and I think it's clear I am..
The Library;
I think the ONLY time I've used the library at university was when I was really hungover in foundation and we were given a 'tour', obviously this year I'll be in there a lot, I already have been.. I struggled to find the books to the point where I think the librarian could see my *confused face* ..
These are some 'notes' I'd written to find all the books, just before I pulled one out and about 5 dropped to the floor as I couldn't carry them all..
I've restarted a book about four times because I've forgotten what's happened throughout and feel like I've missed an important part of it (most likely)..
I won't give in and I'll keep trying, because life's about not giving up..
returning to university is the BEST thing I've ever done, it's probably my recovery in one word..
Year three *come at me bro*
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