I fluctuate

'I think you need to talk to someone'

'Are you okay? I'm really worried about you'

'Liz, one minute you're up then you're down'

 

I put on a 'brave face' because I know it'll make me seem strong when I'm actually weak, inside and out..

You get stressed, angry, upset, hurt, lost, confused and unsure..

You know how to 'cope' and deal with the fact that something's upset or hurt you, so you learn to deal with it.. And succeed 

My moods go up and down;

I'll wake up in the best mood, well I'll feel like I am. Even if someone was to stand right in the way and couldn't help it, I'd instantly get angry and it'd ruin the good mood I was in..

I've had so many leaflets on how to 'cope' mentally and physically but it's impossible for my brain ( probably not yours) to take in and function in the same way as yours..

You forget I have brain damage;

You suggest I need to 'talk to someone' and that I'm struggling, I deal with the feelings in the best possible way I can because I know they'll pass sooner or later in time..

The severity of brain damage is misunderstood to the point where I feel like crying when people say 'you look well' I'm not, I'm so damaged but my brain can't even process how to deal with it.

I cling on;

I need someone there and cling on when they are, I need that moral support of feeling helped loved or wanted..

Just remember;

Everything you say to me even if it's kind, I take it personally and think about it to the point where I'll assume it was an insult, just remember the more you tell me 'you're worried' it makes me feel worse and makes my mood sink to feeling like I've not accomplished anything.

Don't judge me;

Don't come up to me on nights out and judge the way I am, saying I am doing amazing or that I'm 'so brave' I'm not.. 

I only did it and have come this far because I realised that giving up would destroy my loved ones even more than what's happened to; me, my life, my brain, my emotions, my feelings and my actions..

They don't understand;

You tell people that you feel ready to do something and they instantly assume you need help support or something to do. I'm coping in my own way

I'm coping with the battle of a stroke that I could of stopped happening but missed every sign.

Could you cope?

Would you give up?

Would you feel shit? If different people told you that you need to talk to someone..