You're to much

You're on my mind without creeping up on me, you just appear even if I'm at my best point and I feel like I'm happy, not ontop of the world, my world; 

My distant, lonely, damaged and messed up world. 

You're always there, I knew you'd stay and I knew you'd never leave but I didn't assume you'd hurt this much..

Your down moments hurt more than the version I have of how scared I was after you gave me realisation that it nearly ended. It being my life, 

My everything, my world, my happiness, my functioning brain the thoughts that made me get through every single day to the point where I wouldn't even have a second to feel down. 

You're like a ghost that won't stop hurting you or scaring you;

You leave scars pains aches and scary memories in my damaged brain, a brain that once worked, a brain that once helped me push everything away..

Now you're pushing it away, you give me ups and downs struggles fears and create tears. 

Why me? 

Why did you come to me?

Why did you choose me?

Why did I have to be the chosen one? 

No one can answer but it's going to stay for life.. A short and ruined life.