"Am I a liability?"..

Something I've never really written about as a whole subject is my fiancé, Liam..
He's amazing!
My mum especially and my family are affected by my; emotions, anxiety and really rude remarks..
But me and Liam live together now (in the nicest flat - ground floor because of my disability) and local to our mums because YES we miss you!!

Sometimes and I repeat only sometimes, ill take the time out to actually ask him how HE copes..
"Liam, does my disability bother you?"
I know he gets so angry when I almost question him about how he's dealing with me as a person..

He explained to me properly yesterday exactly what it's like;
Let's just point out what he has to deal with so you can all realise just how lucky I am..

My sezuires;
"Lizzie, you go blue and bleed out of your mouth it's like staring at a dead body you're that stiff.."
*oh my god!! I never realised how horrible it actually is, I get scared seeing someone who's fallen over*

My fatigue;
His family are actually huge and always doing something that were invited to, my fatigue has improved so much and I think he's to thank because unlike others he actually allows me to leave the house and experience conversations to gain confidence..

"That doesn't really bother me, only when you get angry if you're tired and I want to stay out for a bit longer"
*i understand that more than anything to be honest, it's probably like when you take a friend clubbing and they moan non stop!*

My aggressive side;

Not just arguments because we actually don't argue much, but where my brains obviously re connecting I do get aggressive and argumentative, worse with my mum but with Liam it's unfair because he shouldn't deal with it.

"It upsets me because I get embarrassed when we're walking somewhere and you might randomly lash out if someone nudges you"

*hmmm okay, it is improving but I'll work on it!*
I think it's because he would be the one who'd get a slap if they reacted to my comments.

My medication;

It takes up pretty much all the draws in the kitchen! And he has to carry the tablet pots if we go out (bag and pocket problems)
And he can't buy chocolate because there's no room!
He sorts my medication out for me, leaves my epilepsy tablets next to my bed so when I wake up they're right there!

"To be honest, that doesn't affect me because you just get on with it and I know you'll be fine"

*it is cute though*

My stroke;

This is petty much the main disability, no use of my hand and my splint breaking constantly! He always fixes it. I still get really self concious about it, mainly because going out with someone with a disability so obvious must be difficult, I walk different abd sometimes it notices.

"Lizzie you're fine I love you for who you are and that's you. It doesn't bother me."

The questions rushed out of my mouth..

"Do you tell people?"
"Do people ask you?"
He sighs and just tells me that no one really asks because it's not their business, apparently they only ask what happens when I have a sezuire..

"Ill be honest with you because I never really have.."
*oh my god what?!*

Liam rolls over to look me in the eyes, I knew I was in for a story..

"When we first met, I didn't know if touching any part of your left side was going to hurt you and it worried me because that's the last thing I want"

Now he literally doesn't stop!! I have to tell him to stop trying to get my left arm to punch him..

"I knew you had sezuires because you told me and when I first saw one it was really scary but you just adapt"

ADAPT!

I think that upset me more to be honest, Liam shouldn't have to adapt because sometimes I think he shouldn't have to even put up with me, I am a handful!