My disfunctional brain..

I smile everyday (atleast I really try to)
I believe that things happen for a reason, mine being that I needed to learn to appreciate what I have and that I'm lucky to be in this 'world'
That sounds so cliche I know, but.. it's all a part of recovery; believing, dreaming and holding on.
As tight as you possibly can, no one should stop you from 'spreading your wings' and reaching your highest limit.
I use quotes to get by each day, people who follow my Instagram will understand what I'm on about..
And if you don't then the whole;
'KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON' quote and many more,
These helped me get through my time in hospital, people would give me cards and letters about how 'being strong is important' and trying to give me 'positive mental attitude'
Because my brain is dysfunctional.
More than you think or believe..

My picture brain;

"I know the face but not the name.."
"Oh I know where that is"

You wander in places and stand still at random points in the day, you could be ANYWHERE.. I mean anywhere, the other day I wandered into an art shop in Canterbury and ended up just touching pretty much everything. Fixated on colours shapes and outraged by the price of some of the stuff.. PAPER?! £10? *jesus*

I find this happens quite a lot, to be honest it's probably a type of sezuire but I refuse to even think of it as that, they scare me more than stairs.

My picture brain is learning every minute of everyday, growing new pathways and re-wiring, remember..
after a stroke you're literally like a child.

My dysfunctional brain;
You tilt your head to the side, you fixate your eyes on a certain point (this is when you feel like people are staring at you) to look 'normal'
You frown to adjust the wrinkles on your forehead and look like you're really thinking about something..
You just look insane!

My day to day life can be a blur, I'm living with a serious brain injury STILL.

My brain isn't connected 'completely' if there is a complete way for it to be.
Like I've said
NO ONE is perfect.
*she says watching some rubbish programme on the kardashians who love themselves*


Shapes;

Everything is a shape, I mean DUH? But in my brain it's crazy!
"Oh that building there" *yeah I know! Looks like a triangle?*

Let's 'cut some shapes' and wander around the town together taking in the 'world' as an object.

Colour and space;

I HATE SPACE! don't leave me on my own, people stare.. people can't 'take in' what I look like, who I am and how I act. I just circle myself and play weird feet games with myself, this makes me really anxious.
Colour makes me so excited! I LOVE pastel colours, bright colours don't 'sit to well' with my brain, but then some colours can be really harsh!

When you live with a 'serious' brain injury, you struggle to accept things, this is what no one understands.. the ups and downs aren't as 'easy' to recover from. It takes time and energy to process how to alter your emotions towards what's happened..

Day to day life's really hard, waking up in the morning remembering you NEED to always be the best version of you. People are 'routing for you!' You feel like you need to please everyone, even though you should never have to please anyone..

Mum always says; "as long as you're happy, that's all that matters"