Lizzie stay calm, calm down..

*This blog post contains words that readers may find distressing*
(To much geordie shore)...
When you suffer with epilepsy you usually know your symptoms and signs to look out for before a really 'big sezuire'
When I say 'big' it's;

A grand mal sezuire -

Today for the first time in months, I suffered with what me and Liam class as 'a bad one' this time it was 'horrific'..

I wanted to write a main blog post dedicated to my sezuire a and how they affect me as I never really talk about them..

I get anxious being around anyone just in case they don't know what to do if I have one.
It's a massive thing, even to those without epilepsy;
Feeling safe and being able to trust the person/ people you're surrounded by. 
Epilepsy causes anxiety due to not feeling safe around people, and then worrying stress or upset cause sezuire (a circle that's hard to cope with)..

Today I was alone.. I knew it was going to happen as I get really severe warning signs..
* head starts tilting my left arm flies out to the side and is so stiff
Today I was facing forward and trying to prevent my arm being so tight, gripped it to pull it down towards me, (the arm that doesn't work) 
As I flew down I felt myself turn and hit something, luckily I was concious (without my phone near and hearing the screams and scratches along the carpet)
I'm sorry if this has affected anyone but like I always say I'm honest within my blog and it's so people really get an understanding..

I've been so stressed and unable to sleep for weeks due to the worry of relapsing which you read about in the previous post.. 

Stress is a huge factor.. 
what's life without stress? I envy those who are never stressed

Continued..
Like I said I was conscious, I'd managed to roll onto my left side, the recovery position but in my case obviously difficult to stand up on as it's stroke affected..
It's actually the worst part when you feel your neck twisting completely round, I'm thinking of ascend from a movie but can't think of it.. (involves a turning head..) 
I'd cushioned myself on my right arm which lay I front of me.
That's the second scary part, the calming down and reassurance by myself today, my brain was slowly calming down.. as I spoke to myself and tried breathing slowly 
As well as screaming and wanting someone to 'save me' but not notice I hadn't had a chance to put any clothes on..

Anyway, 
*Lizzie come on, breath just breath.. you're okay it's fine and it's stopping..*
As I did this my brain reacted and did calm down.

Then..
*OH GREAT HOW THE f*** do I get up!?!* 
This was because I still need support to stand up off the floor..

I lay there thinking of strategies of how to get onto my feet..
*right sit up and use your right arm to lean on..*
So I did, distressed in the fact my left arm was practically stuck to my back.
Now look around for things to lean on.. I slowly edged towards to chair that lay on its side.. 

Clonus- a symptom from my stroke where my knee muscle gets tired..

This really failed.. 

You know the army adverts, shoulders crawling forwards towards the 'goal' 
I did this but I'm a post stroke disabled way.. 
Was actually quite funny but obviously scary.. 

Anyway..

I'm safe alive and hospital checked..
But I wouldn't say 'well'