But I just wanted to remind you (not that you probably want too be reminded of it) but how, my first visit out of hospital was on mothers day to go to a resturant ( can't remember the name) to eat something other than hospital food and to try to build my confidence.
I'd never been so scared of going to the outside world, nor have I been so scared to see other humans..
Mainly because of how I was; (in a wheelchair, always yawning, crying at random shit, unable to walk...) list goes on but I can't be bothered to write it..
I literally aimed to buy you such a nice present but was so dissapointed in myself more than anyone because I couldn't wander into town to choose a present but thankfully Jo helped me pick you out a pandora bracelet ( thankyou)
You've always been the most important person in my life and some people have lost a mum or never had one to give them the support they need to succeed in life, so i'm lucky in the sense that you've never left my side, no matter how many arguements we've had, how many times i've called you a c*** told you to fuck off, or physically screamed in your face. No one deserves to be treated so badly especially when all they've ever done is care for that person, so secondly i'm sorry..
You've been a carer since day one pretty much..
Through every illness i've got and been diagnosed with, sitting next to me through every breakup i've had and reminding me life goes on, you've held my hand every-time i'd be called fat from taking my steroids to make my kidneys work. At the time I never thought they'd help, but they did..
You've sat through numerous hospital appointments with me, while random doctors tell me how to look after myself, you've basically taken on the role of a mum & dad when you and my dad split up, making sure that whatever I wanted I got.. (within reason)
you've let all my old mates come into our home & drink too much, get ready, get too drunk & listen to really bad music while we get ready to go on a night-out. So bad to the point I fell down the stairs before leaving the house..
so thank you for your hospitality, and putting up with my annoying teenage years that luckily i've outgrown.
Everyday I spent in that hospital recovering you'd visit me before & after work making sure I was clean & happy ( very rare)
I still remember the tears you cried when the paramedicas confirmed it was a stroke & how you still managed to grab my working hand and tell me everything was going to be okay
''you're my brave and beautiful girl lizzie, just stay strong baby girl''
the times you'd come in with calendars making sure I had visitors & wasn't alone.
washing my clothes so I could still smell the scent of home & feel comfortable, even though I couldn't move.
Thank you for taking on the role of a carer & letting your house be adapted so I can move back in, Thank you for not shouting when; i'd smash glasses or burnt your carpet with my straighteners, or blow up your microwave..
You still stick by me through all of that and no one else ever will so I just want to say Happy proper mothers day, i'm now able to hug you and walk to buy you a NICE present this year; pick out a mothers day card I wanted you to have and function properly to recognise how amazing you are..
You beat cancer & are my inspiration to carry on. Thank you for giving me the biggest gift of all; Life.
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