'It's like we've had to decide on life'

The hardest thing about a stroke isn't the fact you become so dependent on others I'd say it's the fact that because I'm so young I've now got to reconsider everything I ever thought was settled and my future.. 

How can you forgive yourself for doing that to you? 

''It's like I've had to grow up too fast'' 

You learn new skills and learn how to be different but it's not as easy as  if you were without the limitations.. 

''You'll look back years from now and be completely different''

Something like this can't be forgotten though... 

The worry of not knowing if anything you do is 'the right way' 

'Did I say that right?' 

'Did that make sense babe?'

'Is that actually a word'

'How do you do that?' 

'How does it feel to be normal and understand things'

'How do you jump?'

'Baby can you teach me how to run...'

All answered with a look of confusion and 'why ask such sole destroying questions'

But yet all to be answered with the same thing..

'It'll only get better, trust me'

Or, 

'Lizzie stop'

I've recognised that life's important and shouldn't be wasted on stupid thoughts, 

But it's so hard;

You dream of moving that part of your body that isn't co operating 

You think about how life could be different if it never happened 

You question why you didn't stop it

You fight everyday to survive but feel like you're failing

The tablets are saving you but so horrible to physically swallow.. 

'Don't give up Lizzie please don't'

I think this everyday, every morning night and moment I'm aiming to do something new, but it's never new.. 

In my life before I've done it.. Just differently

You daydream thinking of how you can stop these thoughts but I know every stroke survivor thinks and feels it.. 

We're all different but deep down exactly the same.  In our own way.. 

Trying to get back a life that we thought was 'the best life' forgetting the bad memories & moments of sadness or distress.

But we crave it all back, just to feel normal. Weird...

But true