Learning to take in the world

I helped my nan and grandad do their weekly shop at tesco today..

' oh liz you can go off with your grandad he likes to get a smaller shop and get a drink quicker'

'I like to do a big shop'

Before my stroke I'd walk with my grandad, just because I could reach the Costa quicker as I'd always be tired..

This time remembering that I have a disability and thinking,

'Come on liz you can't keep up with your grandad anymore...'

But I wanted a costa,

We walked around tesco buying the stuff my grandad gets; bread, meat, wine? 

I just gazed at the shelves  as we walked round each aisle, taking in; colours, shapes, logo's, prices and every type of food I just wanted to eat or make into a meal, the ready made pizzas are such a tease when you're hungry though.. 

'See anything you like love?'

My grandad turned to smile at me.. 

'Oh no I'm fine Thankyou'

(Yeah, an alcoholic drink cause then this confusion would be mistaken for being pissed)

People wandering round with their trolleys and gazing eyes, staring at you as they pass 

'Mummy why is her arm sticking out'

'Sophie be quiet!'

I looked at the floor and tried to keep up with my grandad while holding my arm under my coat so if people stare they'd assume I'm just pregnant (which I'm not) although trying not to look as if I was hiding stuff under my coat like a theif.. 

Imagine if I got arrested like this, I think I'd laugh

My mum told me that when I was younger I saw a child with Down's syndrome and loudly said something like 'mummy why does she look funny?'

So it's a child's brain.. Like mine;

Adapting to our huge world, unaware of any problems that are to occur in later life...

'Right were done, let's get a drink'

(Thank fuck) 

I was tired of trying to process the foods and how everyone was normal. 

Fed up of how I got pushed to the side by a fat woman waddling next to me apparently fed up with how I forgot how to bend my leg and walked sideways ... 

Rude.

I'm sorry to the large lady, I did try to bend it, but it takes longer to process shit like that.

We sat in the Costa drinking hot chocolate and chatting while I texted Dan, nans friend pat sat next to me

'You look really well lizzie'

She stroked my left arm 

(Asif I needed another stroke)

I smirked thinking

(If you lived with this brain you'd know I'm not) 

But replied with 

'Thankyou' 

We then aimed for the disabled parking spaces to get to the car, 

Everyone forgot we'd parked there, pat wandered off somewhere? Grandad wandered off to where they'd normally park..

So I can't be that disabled?