I wouldn't say brave is the right word..

'Dad she's so strong, like still able to smile and run around with  Megan as if nothing's wrong'

'I don't know if I'd say brave is the right word if I'm honest..'

'I know I can't think of any other way to describe it but it seems suitable'

'I think we get thrown different things in life and have to almost get on with it'

'Yeah I feel like it's the motivation and determination that gets us through each day, strong is definitely what she is' 

Earlier I watched 'the c word'

A programme based on a true story of a lady battling breast cancer at 28,

I cried at the first 30minutes because of how my mum had to deal with the cancer scare and how I remember being on the beach at night and receiving a phone call off my stepdad that broke my heart 'liz, I don't want to scare you but your mums in hospital and has cancer'

I remember being in shock and crying hysterically to my friends who of course didn't know how to react, 

Blanking out the fact my mum had to deal with loosing a kidney and her hair, living with the thought that she might die for 6 months of her life..

I remember the day I said I'd sit through her first chemo session with her really scared because I didn't know what to expect, she sat in this pale chair and was wired up to this bag of fluid, she patiently sat back in the chair knowing she'd be there for atleast 4hours, pumped of a chemical that will destroy her body but possibly recover it, 

I remember her crying to herself after she'd woken up 3weeks in, because she'd woken up in a pillow of her hair, she'd have a towel on her pillow every night, shaking away piles of hair getting fuller everyday..

I remember coming home from being out with mates during the week and seeing her spread out across the sofa, pale as anything and so weak her arm dangling over to touch the floor with a needle just wrapped up, next to a sick bucket that'd be emptied every 5 minutes.

I remember her looking at me and asking 'Liz, are you scared of me?' Because I wouldn't come home till 10 most nights, 

I remember the day she sat in the kitchen and had her head shaved, watching her hair drop to the floor, she cried but I cried in desperation of her to just be happy again..

She was getting married just before chemo ended, knowing she'd be bald and look different, but still having so much courage to walk down the aisle 

I remember the talks I'd get from mates about how they'd had grandparents who had cancer telling me it'd be fine, telling me I'm strong for dealing with it..

Everyday I thought to myself 'is my mum okay, is she going to die? Will she get better? 

Selfishly forgetting my mum had to deal with living with cancer. The battle and the struggles the loss of confidence and ability to just feel comfortable being bald.

She ordered some wigs from some shop, mainly for her wedding, to try to look 'normal' even though she was still perfect, she put this strange plastic haired wig on and just looked at me asking what I thought, we both laughed cause she looked awful.

I remember shouting at her when she told me she was giving up chemo after her fourth cycle when she was meant to have six, she just responded saying 'Liz I feel to weak and it's going away' I just called her selfish and cried on the sofa thinking that itd kill her for not finishing the chemo..

The c word programme made me realise how selfish I was towards her, throughout her recovery and illness.. I cried as the lady had her hair cut off as it bought back memories of my mum. 

I remember her walking down the aisle to my stepdad and having the biggest smile on her face, pushing aside the fact she was bald and had cancer, remembering that day was all about her, no one else.. It was well deserved and she still looked as beautiful as ever.. 

'You're so brave'

It's not bravery it's determination to recover and live the life you've been given for a reason, the fact you've been given a second chance..

Me my mum and little sister have fought battles to live not because we were brave but because we realised life is worth living and it means more than anyone will realise, you motivate yourself to push through everyday wondering what will happen and how you'll get through it..