This is never gonna go away

How would you feel if I laughed when you stumble?

If I pointed at you and giggled while you nearly tripped?

If I stared at your limb that you try to hide from everyone to avoid the strange looks 

If I didn't help you when you tripped over?

If I frowned at you when you smile at me?

Think about it as the person you are now..

It wouldn't happen would it? Because you're the same as everyone else

Now think about how it would feel if you were in my position, not only different but trying so hard to gain the confidence you once lost and need to recover to even leave the house..

You'd feel worthless; hurt, scared, anxious and embarrassed. 

That's how it feels to be me, everyday sometimes not that much if I try hard enough to fit in like every normal human walking the streets. 

Do you think I'm not aware that I look different and have a mild disability? 

Do you think I'm incapable of having any emotion atall?

Do you think I can balance when you shove past me, on my weaker side to the point where I feel like smacking you in the face to feel the pain you've caused me. 

It knocks me to breaking point, to feeling ashamed to what my brains done to my body, you know when I see the fast advert on ambulances I look down and cry, thinking

'Why did I fall asleep that night? Why didn't I recognise the signs? Why didn't I listen to my feelings?'

I was so close to having half my brain operated on because my brain wouldn't stop swelling up.. 

'Would that of happened if I caught the warning signs?

Would that of happened if I had the stroke when I was awake?'

That's my biggest fear more than having another stroke, the fact that my brain still throbs and pulses when I feel tired or get a headache, the fact it feels like it could explode.. It's done it once before, can happen again can't it?

'Actions speak louder than words' 

And your actions of rudeness and unkindness hurt me more than if someone broke your favourite lipstick or best pair of trainers or Infact, killed a family member, so think before you fucking act; point, stare, laugh, giggle, whisper, frown and grunt at me..

I might not seem it but I'm stronger than you even think, you'd cry if you smashed a glass, I've dealt with worth and I'm putting up with your shit pretty much everyday.