My new life

I'm not saying it's going to last and I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but I am saying that it's been a goal and something that this exact time last year I cried into my mums arms saying 

'I'll never be normal mum, I'll be a freak'

'I'll never walk again and I'll never go back to uni'

Today as the majority of you know, I sat in a crit that my old class had, only for an hour to see if I'd be able to cope; mentally, physically and emotionally..

As I stumbled to uni, reflecting on how I'd always struggle while trying to hold so much stuff, remembering how I once strutted through the college entrance thinking I looked good. 

I was so anxious. The stares I recieved even the fact I missed a red light to cross the road and people in cars looked confused as to why I didn't run to catch it in time..

I sat in the canteen waiting for my tutor who's helping me go back and re learn, 

I had so many of my old class mates give me huge hugs, as I walked through to the old room shaking and hiding my arm, I sat on a white chair listening to everyone talk about their work; how they made it, the purpose and So on... 

I sat there so nervous as if I was gonna jump up and show my work, I then looked at the floor and realised I can't, I can't do that yet...

I had a gut feeling where if I could I would of cried, I held it in and sat up. 

I just watched people discussing and  using both arms to talk with vigorous hand movements constantly repeating in my brain 

'Come on brain, you used to make my arm do that..'

Of course it didn't work, I sat there in a pale splint sipping a drink through a straw thinking about every swallow I took..

Smiling at everyone who glanced at me.

When I walked home I was at the rush hour of pushing college students and hearing their conversations about there day, slagging off people.

I walked slowly but aiming to walk fast enough to look like them, gripping my arm smiling as I walked remembering that I've overcome something I've aimed for, something I honestly never thought I'd achieve again..

This is the start of my new life 

'Don't let the stroke become your life lizzie' 

'You'll get there I promise'

It's not the end of my recovery nor is it the middle, Infact it's probably just the 

Beginning because recovery is for life..