if I could explain it in two words it would be
Fucking shit.
No one prepares you for the coming home struggles;
the adaptations
loosing all your friends
depression
confusion
patronising comments and conversations
lectures on how to do things
hugs of sympathy
crying randomers
old people making friends with you
people comparing your stroke to a family members thinking it will help.
People laughing staring and pointing
Loosing a body part
Physios and ot's in hospital prepare you for nothing helpful.
You leave hospital thinking it's going to be so much fun not working or being stressed.
You then reach your 'goal', home.
You cry and can't adjust to being where you thought would be amazing..
Then you start recovery. No recovering unless you get help.
They don't tell you that everything will be hard,
Slipping in the shower
Not being able to get into a bath
Being to tired to function
Tripping over stupid things
Oh and then you see your best mates for the first time out of hospital,
Don't expect sympathy, everyone assumes you're back to normal.
They get confused..
You get hurt
They leave..
Then you're left with fuck all.
Wondering why they'd gone.
Oh then there's the crying before you step out your front door, when you can walk and you're allowed.
You cry scream and wish you could walk like everyone else
Everyday
Every night
Every minute hour and second you wonder
'Why me?!'
'What did I do?!'
'Can I just end it all now?!'
Then you get the rude comments.
'You know you'd be liked if the stroke wasn't your life'
Fuck off.
It's with me forever and it's hard.
Then there's the medication;
13 tablets a day
4 blood tests a month
6 doctors appointments a month
28 days of headaches and upset.
I've never really told anyone all of this because I thought you'd all realise but then I remembered it's not happened to you.
My family know because they watched me go through it.
Don't read this and email me saying that I should speak to someone, because it's happened and it's rude.
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