Something i'm going to be having a lot of before I can go back to work, I know I will because it's my main goal and i'd do anything to be back earning money and meeting new people.
It was so hard, being a visitor in a place you once helped people out in, just watching a lady wait at the till to pay and wanting to jump in and help her by serving.
I walked down the dull coridoors of the Fenwick's offices, behind my manager and a lady I work with, feeling; scared, vulnerable, lost, confused, upset and uncomfortable.
Then the questions started;
. How do you feel your illness has affected you? ( Just wanting to cry and open my heart out and say.. in every way possible?)
. And what are your limitations? (Well.. I can't do half of what I could before, So.. pretty much everything)
. Do you have a date you'd like to return? (I laughed to ease the pain... yes, Now? Tomorrow?)
Just get me doing normal things again.
. Are you on any current medication? (urr.. yes I rattle when I walk)
. Do you have any question for me? asks my manager with a beaming smile ''No sorry, i'm too overwhelmed to actually think'' I reply and nervously smile
Walking away was the hardest, passing people whom you once walked past at work asking to open the tills to cash up, Giving an uncomfortable smile and just accepting the blank looks I got from people who quite clearly find it uncomfortable to deal with, I certainly wouldn't know what to say if someone I knew had, had a stroke... So I get the ''You alright?'' quite a lot, and of course I lie, because i'm not.
My main goal is to go back to work, I hope they take me back and theres nothing more I miss, even though I know as soon as I go back i'll be standing there wishing I was in bed.
When I went back at six months, I needed 3-5 cups of coffee just to keep the fatigue at bay. Luckily the office had free coffee.
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