life's become a blur

I follow the same routine I had in hospital where I take my tablets at specific times and id i'm late taking them I get scared i'll have another stroke.

Days go by quicker but still feel long, my brains having a quicker walk to my next destination before my bodies physically even left the house. It's like looking out of a car window, your brains processing every movement, every item you see. But your body stays in the same position, the same place and everything remains so still (unless you get a twitch)

It reminds me of being on the stroke ward just aimlessly looking for a bird to come and do a turd on my left shoulder to wake my whole left side up (obviously a miracle that would never of happened)

Every time I go to sit on a chair I get the weirdest twitch in my brain that assumes I need to be wearing a seatbelt, perhaps it's where my brain associated sitting still with things moving past you (people outside the window) is exactly like being in a car. Sometimes I even turn to my side to find a seatbelt it's that bad. I then get scared because I can't find one. ( sounds funny to you and I realised I made it kinda sound like I had a flying sofa with the 'when everything's moving past you' but I can reassure you I don't, it's; a dull red colour, covered in illnesses that remind me of the days i'd come home to my mum laying here being given chemotherapy randomly throwing up into a bucket and as the days went on, her hair was getting thinner and thinner but I had to lie and say it was still thick and looked healthy)
Okay so that was the longest sentence to possibly be put into brackets lol.


I literally get so gittery ( not glittery incase people read that wrong, i'm unfortunately not a fairy.. yet ;) miracles can happen though lol)...
whenever I walk into a room full of people, people that usually sympathetically smile because they notice my hand before they even look at my face. Infact once I actually got scared I had millions of stalkers, because of being on the news & stuff, I then stopped and thought 'Liz are you weird? No one gives a s*** they're just being as nosey as you would if someone different walked in'

After this post i've realised I really need to stop putting 'lol' but I do it so much when I text it's a habbit, so sorry if it really annoys people.

But yeah, life's a total blur to the point where I just 'go with the flow' and try to deal with it. `even though deep down i'm breaking down and so scared.