You have two choices

you can let it defeat you or you can let it beat you,
What are you going to do? Only you can decide this...



No matter how hard everyday is, I try my hardest to just put on a smile and believe I can actually beat my stroke.
When I want to do something, i'll do it. Even if it's walking into and around town on my own just to buy last minute christmas presents.

I got stares and glares and probably people thinking odd stuff, but I did it.

One thing my doctor said too me in hospital was 'you can let this defeat you or you can try your hardest to beat it' I found that so hard to take it, more to the fact I had no idea what life was going to throw at me next, was I going to die?...
Is this her way of telling me that I could have something worse happen?...
I got a stern look from her and i'll never forget it. It was like mrs Trunch-ball from Matilda staring into my eyes after she finds out Matilda had stolen a chocolate from her house. ( you'll understand if you've seen the film)

Now i'm living life like I never thought I would, Get up, get dressed and just follow out anything I have planned, even if I really can't be bothered)
I thought my walking days were over, but there not. thank god, as i'm walking more than I thought I ever would again.

The other day after I told Dan I was going into town on my own to just finish my christmas shopping, He went 'Babe you need to rest'
'no Dan, I need to do this otherwise my strokes beating me'
After the hardest day shopping (yeah, really hard) but honestly my feet ached and I had so many shopping bags it was making my body physically hard to move. Oh and it was freezing.
I sat down on a bench outside the bus station ( the good old 'hangout place') people would go before & after school. You'll know if you hung around in Canterbury after school, literally for no reason but to just get some time with your mates & eat cheap sweets from Tesco. Before going home to your parents to pretend you 'haven't spent your lunch money on anything but proper lunch' with the obvious lying face and pulling the fakest smile.

as I was on the phone to Dan he literally said 'Babe I told you not to go into town you need to walk home & have an early night'
I got so angry, 'No Dan! i'm not letting this stroke beat me, what would I be then? stuck in a 'rut' just a heap of nothingness a disappointment to anyone in my family and people who visited me in hospital, i'm going to walk home i'm not giving up'
'Okay babe, thats your choice' He sighed and just said ' I have no sympathy as it was your choice and I told you it'd be too much'

I then stumbled home...