'I need to just go home'

Losing my hand so tight, So again I had my arm Physio, walking through the stroke ward is possibly the worst thing to do but it seems to be the only way to get to the gym from the hospital, dan came with me as he realises how hard walking through the stroke ward can be. 

We walked to the gym and waited on a stool as my Physio was teaching someone to walk, as I waited for the door to actually get to the gym to be unlocked by a nurse, I watched families walk out of the wards crying and holding hands, going into a 'family room' I looked up the corridor to see where dan was, this is what hurt the most, seeing family members walking to look out of a large window over looking the cricket ground next door to where my room was before I went into the ward, I watched them stare out this winding rubbing their tears clearly holding in their emotions, it made me stop and just imagine how it felt for my family when they visited me in that room. It hurt so much that before walking into the gym I just walked away from dan and walked to just escape and leave to walk to his car 'baby what's wrong' 

'I can't do it dan, it's horrible like I want to just go home' 

'But baby it'll be over soon' 

I burst into tears and just grabbed him so tight, I then explained that it breaks my heart seeing family members of patients crying after visiting their loved ones. 

They're the strong ones, 

holding in the tears and staying strong it makes me wonder how my mum actually kept a smile everytime she'd sit next to my hospital bed holding my hand so tight telling me everything will be okay, but not sure if it would her only thought was probably 'I need to be strong for my daughter' 

I felt so confused so lost and so unsure that it confused dan as he didn't know how to react to my emotions. 

It really hurt deep inside just trying to imagine the fear those family members felt. Not knowing if someone they'll love will recover or die, to put it bluntly but truthfully. 

As I finished my Physio session I walked past the family room and just saw all the families crying and comforting each other. Trying to anyway even though I'm sure anything people said to them just drifted over their heads trying to stay strong for the person laying in a hospital bed sometimes so oblivious to the world that they can't say a word.