''You look really well''

I might look well but I'm not, 

I'm confused lost and almost mourning for a body part that I may not ever gain back. 

You constantly sit and smile, thinking 'I wonder if I look okay' 'I wonder if my mouth is noticeable' 'I need to laugh soon incase someone wonders why I'm not' 

I can't physical filter people's emotions anymore, to the point where after someone tells a joke if I look blank they'll need to say 'liz that was a joke you know'

Then I laugh... 

I think I look okay but I don't, I look odd weird and strange. I've tried focusing on how to overcome this stroke but I can't, it's making me feel awful. To the point where I'm regretting ever going near salt or people who smoked around me, wondering if that could've stopped this happening to me. 

I've pretty much lost everything...

I crave the day I can run to bed or to when dan knocks on my door just so he realises how exciting seeing him can be. 

I crave the day I look at my hand and it magically opens so much that I cry with over excitement and happiness. I crave the day I can actually smile and reply 'yeah I am really well thankyou' instead of a wonky smile that anyone can look at and can tell its fake.

I'm oblivious to anything now, I just stare and smle hoping that I look okay, knowing I don't. If I try to walk with my head up I walk in a wonky line I then get upset because I hate it. I hate this new me, I hate what it's done to my brain, leg, arm, face and my feelings.

So please don't tell me I look really well the inside is more painful than when you burn your hand on straighteners