My unhealthy addiction.

So I've hesitated to come to terms with it and I never wanted to actually admit it but now I realise. So here's the truth... 

I have one of the most unhealthy addictions anyone can have, you'll all laugh cause obviously you all know what it is and anyone could of actually guessed it. 

Social media. 

I spent 3months on it in hospital, constantly looking at photos of things I wanted to do, people I wanted to be like, photos of my old mates doing things I wanted to do, I'd flick through anything I could daily even if I knew I'd been on them 3minutes before. 

'Delete the apps lizzie' 

It took me three hours just watching the apps wobble on my screen before instead of pressing cancel I pressed delete.

Even if I knew no one would of added anything and it's just full of people I really don't give a shit about. Some of whom only added me because I'd had a stroke. 

I spent 3/4 months alone in my house, travelling to hospital appointments or just laying on my bed bored going on anything social media. It doesn't help my brain, Infact my neuropsycologist tried to stop me by telling me to sell my phone or just never have it on. 

I cried for three days straight, she'd text me morning and evening reminding me not to go on anything 

'It's bad for you, you'll get upset, you're not helping your brain Lizzie' 

I literally sat talking to her for an hour just crying constantly  screwing my hair up trying to rip it out, screaming endlessly just stamping on the floor and breathing so heavy I could of caused another stroke. 

'I can't stop, I'm addicted, help me please help me' 

It's not until I met dan about 3 months later that I realised how bad it was/is. 

'Babe your with me, just turn it off' 

I spent Christmas evening crying to him for about an hour because I can't stop. It gets so bad that I still pick up my phone and look for the apps. Knowing I've deleted any app that involves social media. 'Just stop Lizzie just stop you can do it' 

I'll repeat this in my head. I look over my mums shoulder when I know she's on Facebook just to see the layout. It's so bad that I've logged onto my emails just to be able to scroll through something and feel like I've seen something new something interesting or something that gives me a weird 'boost' 

Yeah I have one of the most unhealthy addictions...

To the point where I've lost one boyfriend over it and I nearly lost dan. Oh and my old mates,  because I'd endlessly look at people clubbing and having a good time wishing I was, wishing the days away and praying that I could be like that one day. 

So yeah, that's my addiction... And this is my time to tell you all. Even though you definitely all knew.