Dear damaged brain..

To the most damaged brain I've come across out of people I know;

I know you can't hear me or understand much of what I do..

I mean you might hear the voices not my head talking to you, is that a normal thing?

I know you can't give me access to all my body limbs 

But you've tried, you've tried to reconnect as much as you can, I think..

You've reconnected a lot more than I thought you would,

Not going to lie, but I thought you'd fail after waking up from my accident

(And I hope the voice in my head made that sound loud and clear, perhaps you could try harder to bring me back to normality)

I know you've been through a lot, I do understand you must be so confused.

In fact I suppose your confusion is exactly how you create my confusion for the world to see.

But they can't see it, they can't see any of your bruised and disconnected cells, damaged and cut off by a bit of blood.

It's quite funny to think that something that is covering your whole body can curl into a ball and lodge it's way to ruin something so important, something that everyone has, sometimes people faint over the sight of blood. And how fast it pours out, I get excited.. 

No more blood clots brain!!

You won't be bruised again,

I know you've sat through; the scans, appointments, emotional moments and the grief that the blood clot caused.

But thank you for putting up with it.

The scans that surround you with metal plates and try really hard to show doctors what you've decided will reconnect.

I know you've dealt with loosing all your old memories I stored into you from birth; upset ones, happy ones, strange ones, funny ones and  many more, but I've forgotten those maybe you've lost them.

You're going to make new memories now. 

The memories you've manage to regain might not of been my best ones but are quite nice to think about.

Even if you do try to make me remember how I used to be, you bastard.

So thank you and prepare for new memories, don't let go of these ones please..

I know you've dealt with loosing two limbs at the same time, and a weak face.

You've given me the greatest gift, being able to walk, you've created the best day of my life and right hand down, it's still making me smile remembering the day I took my first steps.

You've probably lost all motivation and determination to bring back my arm and hand, you know people are still cheering for you to just push those little cells that connect the arm limb, they still believe you'll live again, but I don't.

Maybe that's why you haven't chosen to give it back? Are you angry with me? Are you disappointed in me? 

I am. But I can still eat food so I'm kinda happy.

I know you find everyday tough and you can't escape to just get out of my body, unfortunately you're stuck with me for as long as you may live, or choose for me to live.

I do let you wander off sometimes when i dream, when I daydream into space. That's when we can both escape this strange and damaged  life, this fucked up world where were all trying to be normal.

We both get a time to reflect and be happy (kind of) maybe we don't always show our smiles, maybe we don't show our happiness or how we love how far we've come in a year.

But we've travelled this journey together..

And we will forever..

You find some thing's really hard, I get that, everyone does ( normal people I mean)..

You do ache and get tired but most normal people do. ( normal people again) *lol*

But what I can thank you for is;

Bringing me the ability to create a stronger Lizzie

Bringing back a more confident Lizzie

Bringing back a happier Lizzie, sometimes anxiety free ( we can work on that though, can we try to?)

Beating a serious accident and proving that I can carry on..

You're letting me return to doing things I did before,

Maybe when the electrons in my brain play up and make you out of control, leaving me to have a seizure and probably scare people, when you shut down for a few minutes? 

I've no idea, because we both get another chance to be out of control of thinking. 

We both get upset but we push through

Because dear brain,

We can and will push through together, sometimes with help, but I know we can carry on this journey and succeed.

So thank you