Physio

new shoes for physio!

I haven't written any blog posts on my current physio sessions but i've improved so much, In the first month I couldn't stand for longer than 30 seconds because I was to tired and felt faint, today I am able to do;
20 hamstring curls
24 bridges
6 leg clams
balance
and walk 20 metres with a stick and supervision,
massive improvements in the space of 2months!

My physio and I am aiming to get me walking 15metres to get home, however when the community physios come in and start working with me, they should be teaching me to walk properly (and for longer)
When I first started standing, my arm was right up in my chest because the tone was so high (meaning I would use so much energy to do simple tasks) now, my arm can stay straight against my side, because the tone has gone down. (however, it still doesn't work)


I have my own wheelchair arriving on friday, my step dad and Luke always wheel themselves in my current one, but what they don't realise is, if they needed one they'd hate it.


thought for the day: If you motivate yourself to do something, you can do it! don't give up trying. you'll surprise yourself. and theres no better feeling than knowing you've achieved something you thought you couldn't.

Progress

I motivate myself every monday and most days to continue doing Physio and OT by writing what I couldn't do and  compare it to a list of 'things i can do now' obviously on day 1 I was completely paralysed down my left side, i'm lucky my recovery has been quite quick but i'm told it slows down. This is to share my progress whilst i've been in hospital and to prove to myself that no matter how boring it is, hard work pays off.
Things i couldn't do: (day 1)
Stand
Get dressed
Shower
My make-up
dry my hair
Walk
Sit in public
Balance
Smile
Move my arm
Memory test
Move my leg
Pant my nails
Feel Anything on my arm/leg

I can now do all of the above even put on a bra with one hand, which people find impressive it took a while and practice makes perfect. I will be in a wheelchair when i'm home because I can't walk properly and they need to teach me how to (hopefully with physio, in time I will be able to walk again)

things do get better

This is a post just to talk about the highs and lows of how stroke has affected me and others. I watch the lady in the bed next  to me as she only uses one arm (she also had a stroke) as she struggles to put jumpers on and get dressed, shes in the very early stages, but I know things do get better, I've given her advise on getting dressed using one arm. (things my OT has taught me)
Today was tough, she explained what happened to a doctor and like I used to do, burst into tears. Shes still in the 'why me' stage, but it soon passes. It made me cry because I can sympathise exactly how she feels. I asked her if she was alright knowing she wasn't. We both cried and talked about how hard it is, but i told her 'Things do get better' She told me i'm an inspiration.

weekend release

Everything felt normal, accept me. Luke stayed saturday and sunday. My mum cooked us breakfast in bed and dinner. I was sleeping with a duvet in my newly decorated room. I despised Luke for being a visitor but able to walk around go upstairs and downstairs when he wanted too. in a place I used to be able to do those things.

On sunday me and Luke laid in bed all day watching Game of Thrones and catching up with Family Guy, it felt normal. We ate chocolate, percy pigs  and Luke kept falling asleep. Everything was perfect; no nurses asking if i was ok, nothing getting in the way, just my arm that moves upwards everytime i yawn. the last time me and Luke had stayed together was when he stayed in the hospital over night with me.
Everyone keeps telling me to just focus on physio and not countdown the days till i can go home but when you're in hospital all you do is countdown, i cant wait to get home.

That evening was tough, we all sat in the same places at the table where we'd sat 9 weeks ago,(before the stroke)  when i could walk, use both hands. we all ate dinner and discussed how the shower would work. As i need a shower stool. I was terrified to have one. My mum watched me the whole time checking i didn't fall and making sure the grab rail was in the right place. But after it i hadn't felt so clean in a long time.

Luke watched match of the day while I slept, I tried so hard to make sure my affected arm was straight and safe , as Luke told me he'd slept on it the night before. I remember a week ago thinking how slow it would be until I was on weekend release, but it went so quick. This makes me realise that maybe the time till I get discharged might come around quickly too. (I hope).

Your life started the day you had your stroke...

Well, not 100% recovery but slowly getting there, I'm able to move my leg (not ankle or toes) my arm, from the elbow and shoulder (not fingers). after braving town in my wheelchair, a massive fear for me (all anxiety based) I had a family meeting.  Imagine everyone you care about sitting in a room with people who have been training you to become independent (my physio,OT and a nurse) they just talked about...me, whilst I sat there, about my care for when I come home and how I'm doing in physio.   I have an hour everyday in the gym working on my core muscles and hip/knee control, and an hour working on my independence with my OT learning to paint my nails, get dressed, get washed and accept my life with one hand. I think I'm doing well.. without sounding too big headed. I have painted my nails on both hands last week, some people have said I've done a better job than they could have.. I have never worked so hard in my entire life, oh wait...my life's
oh wait.. my life's only been 3months long.

My view on life has completely changed, I will no longer take things for granted. The reason for the  name of this blog post is because; in the family meeting, obviously I asked; will I make a full recovery, will I be walking again... normal and expected questions. my physio laughed and said 'start thinking of your life as if it only started from the day of your stroke' your recovery comes from determination and positivity. well.. luckily today was such a positive day, no matter how scary town seemed and how my bank balance may look, no matter the circumstances I'm in, I need to accept myself for what the stroke has made me, in my eyes; stronger, independent, weirdly more interesting as it feels.

Luke said 'its almost like you've been given a new life" to be honest I'm very lucky, some people don't get a second chance. which is why I'm never going to take this one for granted.

Theres Always Someone Worse Off...

The lady opposite me has had a spinal stroke, she has been told she will never walk again.  A physiotherapist was late coming to see her, and he just told her to stretch, and wheel up and down the corridor. What she said when he left made me want to hug her. “He doesn't want to know anymore, I’m stuck in a chair for rest of my life, no one has time for me…”

I wasn’t motivated that day at all, I wanted to stay in bed and sleep, but that’s when it hit me; if you've got the chance to make something work, give it your all”  

This woman still says morning to everyone and smiles.  Her husband visits her every day, updating her on the house and how he's had to turn it into a ‘disabled house’.  

My thought for the day, week is:  Never give up, someone else's problems can always be much worse than your own.

I will never forget this lady, she's one of the many troupers I have met in here, who push through the boredom and frustration, and smile and joke!  When the church lady comes to speak to us, we pretend to sleep.  She will never walk again but she stays strong and never cries.

She is amazing!!!

The best way to describe how I feel...

As much as I try and explain to my family and friends how  it feels to be unable to control a part of your body and almost have a label over you of 'having a stroke’ staying strong is so hard. 

Imagine feeling lost and unsure everyday, sometimes isolated, wanting to get up and go but having a nurse stop me from doing simple things that I can do like; transfer into a chair just to do my make-up or even go and  have a shower, the kinds of things that everyone can do at home to feel comfortable and happy.

It’s got to the point where I ask for the blood tests to be taken out of my 'bad arm/hand' to be able to feel pain, a different pain to feeling scared and upset. I'm scared to see anyone I know that hasn't seen me yet in case they stare at my arm and wonder. I've basically given my body to the nurses, they have to watch me wash and dress because I can’t do it alone, as much as I try, it's impossible. 

I fall asleep so early because I just get scared I'll have another stroke, even though it’s unlikely, it will always be a fear a bit like a scar, you can't remove.

I feel tired and hungry but when I nap I just don't feel satisfied, when I eat I’m still hungry  I’m never satisfied. 

Imagine thinking so hard about moving a finger or toe and staring at it, that you almost kid yourself that its moved. I've forgotten how to. When I can’t do it I lose all positivity and feel disappointed in myself. 

I’ve started to hate watching people who just use both hands and arms or even walk around and don't have to think about which foot goes first. 

I know that my time in here isn't going to get any better or be any fun, but at least I have support to get me through some of these negative thoughts and for that I'm grateful.