You don't know the struggles

You can try to understand and respect how I feel but truth is you never will..

How long it takes to know if you're fully awake to wake up and start the day, trying to push past the fatigue and yawning.

The shower stool that needs to be lifted in the shower with one arm, and how it wobbles when you get it in place, always questioning if it's safe enough to sit on..

The constant 'do you want me to cut that up for you?' When you're rocking a fork on a tough peice  of food just to prove you CAN and will cut it up, how harsh you feel after aggressively saying 'no I need to learn to do it.' 

When you lay all the clothes your planning to wear out in the order you need to put them on in, so you don't get stressed if you forget..

The one armed way of putting tops on and trousers, not to mention when your bra gets stuck in the gap your shoulder has aswell as being so tight that it cuts you..

Sitting at the dressing table wondering if today your face will look as symetrical as it once did.. 'Do I need to do my lip liner higher?' Quick smile at myself in the mirror,

'ARGH fuck sake!' When you burn your ear trying to straighten your hair but can't even move your head away fast enough to not feel the pain..

The splint that has to be velcroed to your leg just so you can walk like everyone else, checking if you can see it with the clothes you're wearing enough so people don't stare, if you can you change your whole outfit..

You get tired from your fatigue kicking in after spending hours getting ready, sometimes just to pick up the endless amounts of drugs that you have to take, otherwise you'd suffer another stroke and possibly die.

Having to juggle holding your breakfast tablets and a drink up the stairs from the kitchen to eat your breakfast, sometimes struggling so much you just throw the bowl on the floor and scream 'fuck you then I'll go fucking hungry, cunt.' 

Then sitting on the sofa crying because you realise how much you've changed inside and out..

And won't be the same as you once were but you 'have to accept it' you can't forget about it,

It's there to stay and always will be..