Indecisive brain

What to do when you're so confused that you walk into a room and past the thing you needed to pick up off the huge table you walked past on your way of seeming so determined to walk too.. 

You stop and actually ask yourself

'Lizzie why did you walk past it?'

'Are you mad?'

I am...

My brains 

'in training' 

In training for something that seems impossible 

Endless blood tests and doctors 'check up' appointments..

Forever answering the same questions;

'You okay?!'

'How you feeling today?'

'How do you do it?'

'How's your arm?'

And the same answer comes out everytime...

'Oh yeah you know, I'm fine, just getting on with it'

Because you have no choice 

Battling away and forgetting all the times you struggle to stay awake and forget what you're meant to do, sitting on a stool everytime you have a shower because your legs can't hold you for long enough..

Forgetting that you're reminded everyday of what happened.. 

Forgetting that you wear a huge plastic thing on your leg to help you walk 

You somehow push past it and just say you're fine.. 

I remind myself how far I've actually come everyday every time I walk to the closest place near me.. 

Doesn't help. 

'You seem depressed'

I'm not I'm just mourning for a life I once lived.. 

You would.

It's 'normal to feel like this you know'

What?! Cause I certainly didn't a year ago.. 

It's a new normal that will never seem normal to me..